n has a gig tonight in one of our locals, the elephant. if all goes well it could possibly lead to a regular booking there which would be great. he and s are so excited - they've just left with the myriad of gear that seems to underpin these evenings - both completely buzzing.

i'm terrified. i always get the most almighty case of nerves on these evenings. it's not that i think they will be bad in any way - they are both a) incredibly talented and b) professional enough to recover from anything so no worries there. i guess i get nervous because for me, doing what they're doing, would be pretty much the scariest thing in the known universe. so because i would find it akin to a relaxing dip in a great white shark tank, i get nervous on their behalf, even though they view this like six-year-olds on day passes to disneyworld. not logical at all but tell my stomach that.

the nerves always pass about 4 songs in and i'm sure we'll have a great evening. i have three goals for the evening:

1. not to drink too much. not out of nerves, not out of fun, not out of the bizarreness of english round buying system which can lock you in for more pints that you bargained for. several reasons for this, one of which leads to goal 2:

2. i will not dance like an idiot. this probably means that i should not dance at all. i once asked n if i looked stupid dancing and he gave me one of those looks and said, "well - i think everyone looks stupid dancing". take from that what you will.

3. to be proper - to remember names, buy the right drinks for the right people at the right time, to ask questions of people instead of blathering on and on about whatever inane flight of fancy has struck me.

none of this will happen of course. i will drink too much, i will dance like a monkey and i will spend the next two weeks trying to remember who people are. i'm wearing a necklace (i never wear jewelry - a certain bracelet excepted) - perhaps this will help anchor me to a grown up, rational action reality.

yeah ok you can stop laughing now.