Tuesday, 12 August 2014

work till you drop

rationally, i know that it is impossible that i have done nothing but work my whole life. yesterday, in fact, i left work early and spent a happy late afternoon and evening in broadstairs with my friend s and her delightful girls. but that was yesterday. years ago.

i'm on day 9 of a 21 day jag that would be easier if it wasn't hot on the heels of 19 day and 12 day previous jags. so far i've had 4 days off since the end of june and i'm starting to get a little weird.

the moves are going well. i still love my team. the adrenaline of the project keeps me going for the most part. but when i get home and sit down and pour a glass of wine and look at the dog (who is looking back with a uniquely doggish expression of love, regret and slight hostility at past absence), i just - grind to a halt. my head is so full of this project there's no room for anything else. when i'm not working (a few hours between sleeping now and then) i don't know what to think about. my brain is knackered.

my body is too. ai yi yi. i am no longer 20. this is not kansas. i am feeling my age. the morning alarm is set to radio three and as the dulcet tones engage, i first attempt to remember what day of the week it is - a process that n and i generally have to guess at several times. i then contemplate getting up, at which point my back decides it would rather not. this wouldn't be so bad if I weren't halfway out of bed, but as it is i stumble, hit my shin on the footboard, lose my balance, and crash towards the shower. days would be a lot easier to manage if they didn't start with mornings.

i think tonight i will go draw a bath (in which i will doubtless fall asleep - these days my kindle is in a ziplock bag just in case) and then pretend to go to bed "to read". i have the new murakami book downloaded and ready and maybe - maybe i will be able to stay awake long enough to read the first page or so....

and - truly - even though i'm over tired and my brain is overloaded - i'm having fun and i wouldn't trade for much. not to mention the overtime. so don't feel too sorry for me!


Geosomin said...

sounds intense! Glad you get the odd moment here and there to stay sane...ish...

Geosomin said...

still kicking? :)