Saturday, 14 March 2009

head exploding for all the wrong reasons

how can we be living in a world where the following can be read in the saturday edition of what is generally considered to be a progressive left-ish (though admitedly disgustingly middle-class) national newspaper:
"'i'm sure one of the things that attracted me about harry,' she says, sweetly, 'is that he's a very equal person. it's not like i looked at him and thought 'i want your babies', it's just that he's very fair. i did the lion's share, for sure. i gave up work for a long time, to look after the children. but for a guy, he does a lot, a lot, a lot."


yesterday, a woman at work who has a very young baby (less than a year) was saying how she took off her hat to any working mother because it was so hard. she explained she worked all day then went home and had all of the laundry, feeding, cooking cleaning to do and by the time she had a minute to herself, it was 11 pm. i asked her why her husband didn't help and she said, oh - he just wouldn't - grew up with a maid, a real momma's boy, wouldn't lift a finger. and she puts up with this. like its some kind of force majeure or something.

what planet do these people live on? one where men turn into fairy dust if they clean a toilet? don't men find this insulting? of course, cleaning sucks. duh. and yes, in a world view where women are not-quite-human, it makes sense for them to do all of it. but if you believe women and men are both equally human, then you'd better be doing your share of the shit shovelling.


Geosomin said...

It's amazing...a lot of guys never have to do those things. Ever. I know for J and I it was a really frustrating thing at first as his mom did everything for him and he honestly didn't know how to do a lot of things (no clue even how to do laundry), or would say he didn't want to as it was crappy/dirty/boring work (well duh).

It took a while to show him how to do things and get him to do some things. It's still not what I'd like it to be, but it's getting there. One of the reasons I've not seriously considered having kids yetis that doing that on your own along with all the other stuff to do? If my husband wasn't in in all the way, I'd end up with a mountain of resentment and a certificate to the loonie bin...and a really dirty child.

I really don't understand why it's OK for guys to just not do stuff. At first I thought a guy's tolerance for mess can be way higher...but then I realised it's laziness :)

If I ever do have kids they are all learning how to do everything. My mum did that with my brother and he can iron better than me for god's sake. He's the one who does most of the chores...

Geosomin said...

Back again.
I just remembered a conversation I had with a friend at new years. I don't remember how we got on the topic, but he has the best attitude to chores I've ever heard.
Apparently his mum told her sons that housework was a time to be relax think and unwind and think. That it was a time you should use it as a time to be alone in your do things as a form of meditation that benefits those around you.
And now, strangely enough if he's stressed or irritated? He cleans. He actually finds it soothing, and in the end he can see what he's done and is happy.

grapecat said...

that's a good way to look at a bad job :) I like it.