faversham mission brass band

i had my first concert with the faversham mission brass band tonight.  i'm playing bass trombone. i had way waaaaaaaay more fun than i thought i'd have - which is always a nice thing. our conductor, graham, is hilarious, and the whole atmosphere quickly became fun -  the audience knew it, we knew it. he cracks jokes all the time - and the band talk back - it's good.

i should have guessed - we went to the annual band dinner last friday and i spent most of the evening laughing. music should be fun. so often it's so serious - and that's great if it's your life or career - but it needs to be fun too for the rest of us. i've often felt kicked out because i wouldn't - couldn't - take it so seriously. but i love this.

i have all the music playing in my head now - i am up too late drinking an ill-advised second glass of wine (after 2 pints in the pub after the concert). i need to go to bed but i'm still AWAKE.

n has a wee small surgery tomorrow - it's nothing to worry about - but i still worry a bit. all the more reason to go to bed -

so good night -

one must be good , under the circumstances...

(wo)man at work

our new building at work is due for practical completion on 30 june. some furniture is going in and site visits are becoming more frequent. because it's still a building site we need to be all decked out in high vis, steel toed boots, safety eyeglasses, gloves, and a hard hat. it makes me look like i have a real job!

evening run

this was the view as i came out of the boatyard and headed up the lane towards the sewage plant water treatment facility(!). both sides of the lane are lined with queen anne's lace and the light was amazing. i never ever want to go running but i always love it when i'm out. well ok maybe not quite but there are moments of pure exhilaration. unfortunately my knees are not always so keen. i've cut back a wee bit and fingers crossed i'll be able to keep running (there's a sentence i never thought i'd type).

i've solved my technology problem as well - i am typing this on a new google chromebook. so far it is doing the trick admirably although the keyboard will take a bit of getting used to - it feels a little - chippy. cheap-y. clatter-y. oh well. i couldn't be bothered to shop around and i'm sure it will be fine.

now off to ice my knees! oh the glamour!

must get organised....

it's not from want of thought - or even willingness - but the absolute dearth of blog posts is almost entirely hardware related. eminently fixable, with the addition of some research, cash, and an ability to get over the idea that buying any modern computer equipment whatsoever is akin to heedlessly and flagrantly flinging money about.

you see, my tablet is useless for posting. it is old (see last sentence above). it is cantankerous at best and willfully obstinate at worst. my work laptop runs a version of explorer so old that blogger does not admit its existence. and the only other computer in the house is where n roosts.

i will figure something out.

at some point.

almost definitely.

in the meantime - here's a picture of me in my new band shirt!

yes - i am the new 4th trombone in the faversham mission brass! and i'm loving it. although it's been awhile since i've had to parse key changes and time changes and count rest bars - and - last night at practice, i missed a repeat in its entirety and played with verve and enthusiasm a completely different movement to the rest of the band. well, early days.

so i will try to sort this whole hardware thing out - bear with me - i've not gone away!

meh

i'm supposed to be sewing buttons onto a baby cardigan tonight but i've just poured a large glass of wine so it is highly unlikely (and soon no longer beneficial) for this to happen. this seems to be a theme, undeniably brought about by my own sloth and lack of will. the app where i enter my weight readings now says "n/a" in the "time to reach goal" section. even now, i am entering music track by track into winamp because i have not sufficiently learned enough about it to queue music. this is problematic because i am listening to the beatles white album (n is not home, obv) and some of those songs are only 52 seconds long. regardless of my music taste, this is maintenance to a standard i will not be able to keep up and soon it will be back by default to n's diet of pink floyd, the who and early genesis.

my list of things that need doing around the house is so long i have abandoned it in shame and self loathing. it is spring and things need to be cleaned and sorted out and filed and oh god.

the only upside is that i am managing to keep running - up to 26 minutes a time now, three times a week, increasing 2 minutes a week. perhaps this is the problem. perhaps all my energy and willpower is going to the running. when i consider my routine this does bear some merit. you would think i am going to my own execution were you to witness me tying up my trainers and getting ready to go out the door. i can sigh to rival humph, which is saying something. of course, once i'm out, i perk up. by then, i realise the only way to escape this hell is to just get it over with. once the first km is done and i comprehend (fresh - each time) that i am probably, on balance, not going to die, i - well ok, i don't enjoy it, but i keep going, which is just as miraculous. by the time i know i get to stop soon i am really quite happy.

i don't know. i just don't feel cut out for the world lately. i don't feel very good at this.

i know- it's all in the definitions - it's all in everything else. i know, really. just moping.

incongruous

i've been piddling about on facebook this evening, in between guilty pleasure episodes of the great british sewing bee on iplayer (yes episodes plural. n's out. don't tell him). i see things that look interesting and open in new tabs to read after. there's a post i like enough to re-post on my own wall - it's from an organisation called fuck cancer - a sentiment i can get wholly behind:

they are raising awareness for colon cancers, which is what my dad had. 

next tab - buzzfeed - 19 shot glasses you can eat

i guess this is the modern world?

sun

happy dog.

there's a spicy venison stew in the oven, a bath is running upstairs, and friends coming over for lunch. yay for sundays. 

practising

woe is humphrey, a hound beset on all sides. for when he wants more to eat, he is denied. and when he wants to chase cats, he is most cruelly restrained. he has to walk across the scary floor (oh the horror) and he has almost nibbled all the fur off of his favourite stuffed toy duck and what will he do then???

and now, just when things are at their bleakest, i have (re)taken up my trombone. 

humph has a scale of complaint. he begins with the look. head tilted down, he stares reproachfully at the offending instrument. when this doesn't work, he paces around the room, baleful glances from the side of his eyes. he then flops down on his bed, sighing meaningfully. the noise continues. at every break, he alternates between stares, glares, sighs, and eventually, full-on HUFFS. at least he doesn't howl (yet), like n's childhood dog, who howled whenever someone practised the piano. 

and to think, when humph first came to live with us, i wondered how we would ever communicate! that dog is eloquent, i'll give him that.

i also came across this poem this week, which i think i should probably print out and paste up somewhere and read it every day -  

Anne Sexton, “Admonitions to a Special Person”

Watch out for intellect,
because it knows so much it knows nothing
and leaves you hanging upside down,
mouthing knowledge as your heart
falls out of your mouth.

i had not heard of Anne Sexton before, thus is my shameful lack of poetry knowledge, but i read the poem on a site i am increasingly loving - Insatiable Booksluts . go - read - and lose an entire morning where you are supposed to be writing a building disposal report but end up spending far more than your disposable income on kindle books instead. it's probably better for you anyways.

koolaid?

it's past my bedtime

but i've just spent an evening online for the first time in - well - when did i stop posting here? about then. it was lovely. i've caught up on facebook, ravelry feeds - i've laughed at memes and posted stupid pictures - although admittedly a small part of my brain is screeching, "this is not fun - it's just soma - IT'S JUST SOMA......"

and you know - it just wouldn't have been complete without a hello here too. I would be very surprised if this is soma. waaaay too much angst and self-contemplation.

anyways hi

oh hai

i'm just gonna leave this here: