Finished!

birch

i finally finished my birch shawl and tonight i blocked it :) this has been the most daunting lace project yet - mostly because of the wool - it's knit in kid silk haze which is a mohair-silk blend. it is about as thick as a cobweb and fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy. you cannot rip it back as all those little hairs grip tighter than anything and you are left with a useless pile of scrambled fuzz.

this pattern starts at the long end with "cast on 299 stitches". in kid silk haze. right.

how any knitter gets past this line shows the tenacity of the human spirit.

i had to do it twice.

at some point tenacity turns into stupidity.

i don't know if i like it or not. i like the idea of it. i loved knitting it (after the first heart-stopping pattern repeat or so). i find triangular shawls very hard to wear, not possessing that european chic skill of turning any piece of cloth into a devil-may-care looks-so-damn-easy just-threw-this-on perfect accessory. we'll see. i actually had someone else in mind when i was knitting it but it's not right for her. maybe it will be right for someone else. or maybe we will fall in love and run away and be chic together.

in other news, i haven't killed anyone yet at work, which i think shows maturity and restraint. although, it's only tuesday...

get your mind out of the gutter -

 - "i can't help it - it's attached to the rest of my body"

(my all time favourite ((so far)) mash quote)

my husband, mom, boss, and friend (4 different people btw) have staged an unconnected intervention over this last weekend. all are concerned that i am taking events at work "too seriously" (cause hey - there's nothing like moving 3000 people into an ill equipped building with no decision making and little planning that should be taken seriously-) (it's jokes like this that are probably making them all worry. more on that later).

so.

they're probably right.

(was that magnanimous enough?)

ok they are right. i can't control what is happening at work. i am just along for the ride - a mercenary - a hired gun. none of these problems are my fault or the result of my planning or actions. i just need to make the best of them.

so i have a plan (of course i do).

i'm just not going to care. but in a specific way. I'm not going to care like alan alda doesn't care in mash. i am going to think of this as being in a lousy situation where i can't get out but have an important job to do (ok my analogy is flailing here admittedly) and make the best of it with grace and humour.

i have bought the box set for lessons. research. (cough).

lesson one i think will have to be to figure out the humour. my humour has become so dry and cynical it is frightening even to me (just a little) and more importantly - it's not helping but making things worse. case in point - today - in a meeting about outstanding items that have been outstanding (and raised constantly) for a long time - my response was a very dry "gee wouldn't it have great if we'd thought of that 18 months ago" (eyeroll). you see what i mean. just nasty and more than a little petty, and not even very funny. hawkeye pierce saves his nastiness and manages to be cynical but funny and (dare i say) uplifting at the same time. this is something to emulate.

i have no idea how.

back to the boxset.


(this post has been brought to you by parentheses ((!!)) yay! parentheses!! (?!) )

faversham mission brass band

i had my first concert with the faversham mission brass band tonight.  i'm playing bass trombone. i had way waaaaaaaay more fun than i thought i'd have - which is always a nice thing. our conductor, graham, is hilarious, and the whole atmosphere quickly became fun -  the audience knew it, we knew it. he cracks jokes all the time - and the band talk back - it's good.

i should have guessed - we went to the annual band dinner last friday and i spent most of the evening laughing. music should be fun. so often it's so serious - and that's great if it's your life or career - but it needs to be fun too for the rest of us. i've often felt kicked out because i wouldn't - couldn't - take it so seriously. but i love this.

i have all the music playing in my head now - i am up too late drinking an ill-advised second glass of wine (after 2 pints in the pub after the concert). i need to go to bed but i'm still AWAKE.

n has a wee small surgery tomorrow - it's nothing to worry about - but i still worry a bit. all the more reason to go to bed -

so good night -

one must be good , under the circumstances...

(wo)man at work

our new building at work is due for practical completion on 30 june. some furniture is going in and site visits are becoming more frequent. because it's still a building site we need to be all decked out in high vis, steel toed boots, safety eyeglasses, gloves, and a hard hat. it makes me look like i have a real job!

evening run

this was the view as i came out of the boatyard and headed up the lane towards the sewage plant water treatment facility(!). both sides of the lane are lined with queen anne's lace and the light was amazing. i never ever want to go running but i always love it when i'm out. well ok maybe not quite but there are moments of pure exhilaration. unfortunately my knees are not always so keen. i've cut back a wee bit and fingers crossed i'll be able to keep running (there's a sentence i never thought i'd type).

i've solved my technology problem as well - i am typing this on a new google chromebook. so far it is doing the trick admirably although the keyboard will take a bit of getting used to - it feels a little - chippy. cheap-y. clatter-y. oh well. i couldn't be bothered to shop around and i'm sure it will be fine.

now off to ice my knees! oh the glamour!

must get organised....

it's not from want of thought - or even willingness - but the absolute dearth of blog posts is almost entirely hardware related. eminently fixable, with the addition of some research, cash, and an ability to get over the idea that buying any modern computer equipment whatsoever is akin to heedlessly and flagrantly flinging money about.

you see, my tablet is useless for posting. it is old (see last sentence above). it is cantankerous at best and willfully obstinate at worst. my work laptop runs a version of explorer so old that blogger does not admit its existence. and the only other computer in the house is where n roosts.

i will figure something out.

at some point.

almost definitely.

in the meantime - here's a picture of me in my new band shirt!

yes - i am the new 4th trombone in the faversham mission brass! and i'm loving it. although it's been awhile since i've had to parse key changes and time changes and count rest bars - and - last night at practice, i missed a repeat in its entirety and played with verve and enthusiasm a completely different movement to the rest of the band. well, early days.

so i will try to sort this whole hardware thing out - bear with me - i've not gone away!

meh

i'm supposed to be sewing buttons onto a baby cardigan tonight but i've just poured a large glass of wine so it is highly unlikely (and soon no longer beneficial) for this to happen. this seems to be a theme, undeniably brought about by my own sloth and lack of will. the app where i enter my weight readings now says "n/a" in the "time to reach goal" section. even now, i am entering music track by track into winamp because i have not sufficiently learned enough about it to queue music. this is problematic because i am listening to the beatles white album (n is not home, obv) and some of those songs are only 52 seconds long. regardless of my music taste, this is maintenance to a standard i will not be able to keep up and soon it will be back by default to n's diet of pink floyd, the who and early genesis.

my list of things that need doing around the house is so long i have abandoned it in shame and self loathing. it is spring and things need to be cleaned and sorted out and filed and oh god.

the only upside is that i am managing to keep running - up to 26 minutes a time now, three times a week, increasing 2 minutes a week. perhaps this is the problem. perhaps all my energy and willpower is going to the running. when i consider my routine this does bear some merit. you would think i am going to my own execution were you to witness me tying up my trainers and getting ready to go out the door. i can sigh to rival humph, which is saying something. of course, once i'm out, i perk up. by then, i realise the only way to escape this hell is to just get it over with. once the first km is done and i comprehend (fresh - each time) that i am probably, on balance, not going to die, i - well ok, i don't enjoy it, but i keep going, which is just as miraculous. by the time i know i get to stop soon i am really quite happy.

i don't know. i just don't feel cut out for the world lately. i don't feel very good at this.

i know- it's all in the definitions - it's all in everything else. i know, really. just moping.

incongruous

i've been piddling about on facebook this evening, in between guilty pleasure episodes of the great british sewing bee on iplayer (yes episodes plural. n's out. don't tell him). i see things that look interesting and open in new tabs to read after. there's a post i like enough to re-post on my own wall - it's from an organisation called fuck cancer - a sentiment i can get wholly behind:

they are raising awareness for colon cancers, which is what my dad had. 

next tab - buzzfeed - 19 shot glasses you can eat

i guess this is the modern world?

sun

happy dog.

there's a spicy venison stew in the oven, a bath is running upstairs, and friends coming over for lunch. yay for sundays.