koolaid?

it's past my bedtime

but i've just spent an evening online for the first time in - well - when did i stop posting here? about then. it was lovely. i've caught up on facebook, ravelry feeds - i've laughed at memes and posted stupid pictures - although admittedly a small part of my brain is screeching, "this is not fun - it's just soma - IT'S JUST SOMA......"

and you know - it just wouldn't have been complete without a hello here too. I would be very surprised if this is soma. waaaay too much angst and self-contemplation.

anyways hi

oh hai

i'm just gonna leave this here:

cheer up they said, it could always be worse. and sure enough - i cheered up, and it got worse

hello my friends - this evening you find me giddy with tiredness - but stubbornly unwilling to go to bed. I had a move today which required me to open the site at 7am. on saturday. i know. i caught the 528 train (!!!!!!!) and i caught the 5:25 (PM) train from london back to faversham. long day. now it's 10pm, and i have fake energy (hello wine!) and real pain relief (oh my feet - the rest of me can still do these moves - but my feet - good lord - why do some bits just seem to wear out faster than other bits? and me, a sensible shoe girl. but after 6 or so hours on my feet - oh. ow. ow.)

i was moving a team out of a building that borders st pancras church - there's a small park, and many old trees and interesting graves and memorial markers. it's very charming. all the more so, because of the picture i saw in the kitchen, which shows the beatles posing in the same park, with arrows pointing to the place where it was taken. all day, when i walked down that bit, i thought - the beatles walked here. **frisson**

although i bet they weren't worrying about whether the two crews they had on site were going to actually come to blows, or wondering what they were going to do because the tall cabinets the client ordered will most definitely NOT go up the narrow, twisting, victorian staircase. maybe they had bigger things on their mind. or perhaps all of our worries are relative.

when i arrived, it was still dark, and a few hours later, i looked out the window and was amazed to see sunlight- more specifically lighting up just one tree - 

the excalibur of trees.

one of the park wardens once told me that they found a hoard of boadicea's armour in the churchyard - maybe we should be digging under that tree...

ps thanks dad for the title and mom for reminding me. it's made me laugh all week 

the old days

the old boys and dog were sitting on the bench on the side of the rec ground when we walked humph this afternoon. we see them often - n stops to talk to them sometimes. the one on the left tells us stories of what faversham used to be like when he was a boy. the war was the most exiting thing that ever happened to him, he says, and you can see how that would probably be true for young boy. he tells us how they used to light lanterns and put them out in the marshes at night. faversham was under blackout, and hopefully any german bombers coming back from london with un-dropped bombs would drop them on the marsh and not on the town. when they heard the planes, he and his mates would rush out to watch the dog fights. the war is still very recent history here. he gestures across the rec ground and describes how it was once surrounded by wrought iron railings. he doesn't quite say that it was better in the old days.

home alone

n has a gig tonight and i am enjoying a delightful glorious evening on my own. almost on my own. ok it's  humph and i - and frankly it would just be weird if he wasn't here. he really is a gem - i had to work this morning (it's never good when you are setting your alarm with the first digit of 4, is it?) and when i got home i was tired and a bit fed up and humph gave me some seriously lovely cuddles and - slightly less welcome - what can only be described as forensic kisses. the world was suddenly a better, if somewhat soggier place.

now humph sleeps and i am luxuriating in space and time and a guilt-free viewing of the great british bake off. i miss being alone - even though i seldom do anything with it but read, or watch bad telly. it was one of my favourite parts about studying (i mean after student bars developing my mind obviously). if all goes well n will be gigging a lot more and i will doubtless begin complaining about all these evenings but i think that will take awhile. until then you will find me happily slurping wine, eating my dinner with my fingers, and reading till way past my bedtime.

ps: i'm so used to having someone here that i just walked into the kitchen and asked, "do you want to eat?"
then i answered yes.
and then realised it was just me....

in which one proves one is not a graphic artist

after my pensions/long-term strategy melt-down of last week i have decided to concentrate on other things during these last dog days of summer. as a result i have been much happier. logical i know, but still nice. one thing has been designing flyers for our knitting night. our numbers are dwindling and we want to brainwash more people into the cult of knitting include more local knitters and crafters. here's some of my attempts:

so far popular opinion has gone for the first one, but i'm partial to superman.

therapy

arghnhhhhhghhhghhghhh

(gulp gin)

(what - the gin i'm supposed to be saving for the weekend and anyways definitely not drinking on a wednesday which is, any way you slice it, part of monday - wednesday? that gin? yes that gin. and now we can add guilt to the angst pile. yay)

i have a severe case of the angst today. not even hangover related (that's probably for tomorrow - see gin, above). and it's not for a good reason even just a bunch of little crappy things and total paralysing fear over THE FUTURE and far far too many hours on various uk and canadian government websites trying to figure out if i will ever be eligible for a pension from any country ever. answer maybe just enough to buy cat food. for dinner. my dinner.

government websites have some sort of joy-sucking vortex going on, and expat sites are no better. there's no way to really get the information you need and lots of "helpful advice" that scares you so much you wonder how any of us ever anywhere are going to survive past 70. i entered details into one calculator that said i needed to save more than i actually earn to avoid the cat food scenario. it is all quite catastrophically depressing.

and i am skint and fat and feeling quite sorry for myself.

this is all aided and abetted by the fact that work is - how can i put this delicately? and in a way that precludes me ever being sued? "a bit slow". oh god is it slow. glaciers are melting faster than decisions are being made (that's probably no longer a useful metaphor - thanks big oil!). there is a ban on new projects but the main project is stalled and we are left to amuse ourselves until the dam breaks and then i will be so busy i will probably lose my mind that way instead of this way. the future's bright.

but at least i have a job (so far).

and the whole pension thing will change a million times by the time i can ever retire anyways. the smart thing to do is to pay off debts (getting there) then save save save. can't do more than that anyways. (this line of reasoning is about as effective as a plaster on an amputation but hey).

and you know, a nice guy on the train tonight pointed out that my travel card had fallen out of my pocket and i retrieved it and that could have been so so much worse as my travel card is pretty much the most expensive thing i own (and my bank card was tucked up in the case so it would have been a two-fer).

and there is, blessedly, still gin.

tomorrow i think i will look up knitting websites instead. and funny pictures of cats.

the path to the pub

and a check to see if i can post a picture from my phone...

dog bits

 

new jumper

i finished it!!! 

my first adult-sized jumper. 

and i only had to knit it three times or so. 

ok not quite that much but there is knitting and there is unknitting and they are sides of the same coin. there are still bits i would do differently next time but frankly it would have had to turn into pure handspun gold for me to rip out the collar and do it for the fourth time. i looked at it and realised that my dedication to perfection is actually fairly flimsy. fair-weather dedication. better-be-right-in-three-tries-or-bugger-it-and-call-it-a-design-feature dedication.

but despite this i am very proud of myself. i mean it fits and everything.

 

ah the effortless elegance of greyhounds (snigger). 

it's a quiet weekend here at the oast. there's wine to rack and beer to bottle, new knitting to start (!!!! - ok, you don't really think i actually finish things before i start new ones do you?!), and book 4 of game of thrones to devour. there's a chicken to roast and a cozy chat with my mom to look forward to. 

and the simple fact that there was life before i knew i could knit an actual jumper, and life after. mwuahh ha ha ha ha ..... (runs off to plot feverishly)