work till you drop

rationally, i know that it is impossible that i have done nothing but work my whole life. yesterday, in fact, i left work early and spent a happy late afternoon and evening in broadstairs with my friend s and her delightful girls. but that was yesterday. years ago.

i'm on day 9 of a 21 day jag that would be easier if it wasn't hot on the heels of 19 day and 12 day previous jags. so far i've had 4 days off since the end of june and i'm starting to get a little weird.

the moves are going well. i still love my team. the adrenaline of the project keeps me going for the most part. but when i get home and sit down and pour a glass of wine and look at the dog (who is looking back with a uniquely doggish expression of love, regret and slight hostility at past absence), i just - grind to a halt. my head is so full of this project there's no room for anything else. when i'm not working (a few hours between sleeping now and then) i don't know what to think about. my brain is knackered.

my body is too. ai yi yi. i am no longer 20. this is not kansas. i am feeling my age. the morning alarm is set to radio three and as the dulcet tones engage, i first attempt to remember what day of the week it is - a process that n and i generally have to guess at several times. i then contemplate getting up, at which point my back decides it would rather not. this wouldn't be so bad if I weren't halfway out of bed, but as it is i stumble, hit my shin on the footboard, lose my balance, and crash towards the shower. days would be a lot easier to manage if they didn't start with mornings.

i think tonight i will go draw a bath (in which i will doubtless fall asleep - these days my kindle is in a ziplock bag just in case) and then pretend to go to bed "to read". i have the new murakami book downloaded and ready and maybe - maybe i will be able to stay awake long enough to read the first page or so....

and - truly - even though i'm over tired and my brain is overloaded - i'm having fun and i wouldn't trade for much. not to mention the overtime. so don't feel too sorry for me!