Better get out of the field, Mabel

in which i become the type of person who

2012-03-09T21:29:00.005Z

spends 2 1/2 hours online trying to find the perfect shower curtain.

i found three. all in the states. what do they know about shower curtains that we don't? i can't risk the prohibitive shipping and customs of buying them, so in order to make me feel like i haven't completely wasted my friday evening (oh god i really have completely wasted a friday evening) i present you:

1. the kraken:

2. the monologue (by dave eggers no less) ((i love how this starts "i am your shower curtain".))

3. going swimmingly. i think this is my favourite:

i realise i am "letting the perfect be the enemy of the good" as far as shower curtains go, but i am helpless. never mind that the current one has broken through 5 out of 10 of it's already repaired (if you can call duct tape "repairs") shower ring holes, and that you need the dexterity of a brain surgeon to maneuver the curtain into the one exact position where it will keep water from escaping each side, a dexterity not forthcoming at half six in the morning, i might add.

and yet - it's often the first thing i look at in the morning, and it's important. i think i would like a shower curtain with the shipping forecast written across it, or a kelp seabed, or perhaps helpful diagrams of nautical knots.

i do have a rather dreadful head cold - perhaps we should just blame this whole incident on that and step away slowly...

baby i'm back

2012-03-02T18:17:00.004Z

in oh-so-many ways.

i'm back in the uk. i was almost a month in canada. my father died. i was glad i could be in canada for so long, and be there when i needed to be, and i'm glad to be back here, at home. that's all i really want to say about that, for now anyways.

i'm back at my old job. yes, i ditched the sparkley new job in and went back to where i belong. you cannot imagine how happy this has made me. earlier this week, i grinned at n over dinner, sighed happily, and exclaimed how happy i was to be back at camden. "no shit," he laughed. "wouldn't have picked up on that one." i guess it's obvious.

i'm back knitting. when i was in canada, i couldn't knit. i wanted to - i started projects, knit an inch, and stopped. six times. since i've been back i've finished a hat and one sock. phew.

it's not all back though -lots of forward too. n and i are getting married in may, and there's a party to plan. the best kind of planning. although i still think we're taking about someone else, even when i am writing it. i imagine i will feel like that all the way through. apparently there is lots you are supposed to do for these things, but we are jettisoning most of them. some out of cash flow, some out of laziness, some because they are batshit crazy. i'd still be happier getting a civil partnership but in the uk, you can only get those of you are both the same gender, and you can only get married if you are different genders. makes no sense to me.

and life goes on. which, all said, is a good thing, i think.

winnipeg murals

2012-01-28T14:05:00.004Z

winnipeg walls are full of murals and paintings. they really brighten up the city in the winter.

so far winter is hiding out - yesterday was sunny and zero degrees. people kept saying how unusual it was, spring weather in january. we were still cold. today is colder, a high of -6. i hope the mild weather holds out - i know how cold it can get.

winnipeg

2012-01-26T18:23:00.005Z

n and i are in winnipeg, with my parents. it was all rather sudden, but it's good that we're here.

in winnipeg, the trees wear necklaces. the necklaces ward off disease and keep the trees safe. i can imagine that they are beautiful in the summer - they are beautiful now.

2012-01-22T16:51:00.000Z

see more dog and puppy pictures

whoops!

2012-01-20T18:47:00.002Z

holiday snapshot

2011-12-29T17:49:00.005Z

happy christmas eve

2011-12-24T08:02:00.004Z

it's christmas eve morning. i woke up early, listening to the birds (robins, blackbirds, a song thrush, and the odd gull). lying snugly in bed, i thought i might get up and go for a walk in the dark morning out in the fields, but when i got out of bed - into a cold room and even colder jeans, the desire began to dissipate. and when i remembered that it had rained - poured - all day and most of the night last night - well, a slide through the mud is not quite so invigorating. coffee and snuggles with the hound won out.

later this morning we will go to the big farm shop and pick up our christmas turkey. these farmers only raise 100 birds, and the birds are out in the open all day and only brought in at night (foxes and turkeys do not mix). they hand pluck them and the turkeys are the most delicious i have ever had. we look forward to this bird all year long. all of our shopping is done now so we don't have to face the madness of any shops today, thank goodness. we'll probably have a pint in one of our locals later on though.

i'm thinking of my dad lots today. when i was young, christmas eve had specific and clearly defined rituals. first chores - the house had to be clean and ready for christmas. then lunch (in those days, something to be got through as quickly as possible in order to get to the good stuff). in the afternoon, dad and i would go out together and leave mom alone (at this point, something she was probably counting down to herself). often we'd go to movies, once, i remember, to a science museum. i remember illicit marshmallows, or baguettes and pepperoni sticks from granville island.

those afternoons were the start of christmas for me. when we got home, it was baths and getting dressed up, then a special supper and off to church. when we got home, we opened all of our presents, and for one night, i was allowed to stay up as long as i wanted, and (more importantly) eat as many chocolates, sweets and cookies as i wanted. how i didn't land up being sick late every christmas eve is a mystery, although i suppose there was wisdom in making sure i'd eaten three good meals before the sugar rush.

these days now have traditions of their own, but it's a time of year when yesterday seems closer than usual. part of me will always be hanging out with my dad on christmas eve, no matter how far apart we may be.

happy christmas eve everybody!

how very very british

2011-12-19T19:36:00.002Z

from the southeastern website:

Christmas and New Year timetable arrangements -

Saturday 24 December – Normal timetable service with early finish
Sunday 25 December – No service
Monday 26 December – No service
Tuesday 27 December – Sunday timetable service
Wednesday 28 December – Sunday timetable service
Thursday 29 December – Saturday timetable service
Friday 30 December – Saturday timetable service
Saturday 31 December – Saturday timetable service
Sunday 1 January – Normal Saturday timetable service
Monday 2 January – Normal Sunday timetable service
Tuesday 3 January – Sunday timetable service

Please note, the days between Christmas and New Year are classed as normal working days, therefore normal peak and off-peak restrictions will apply between Monday 27 and Friday 31 December.

so - normal working days, with abnormal weekend service, at full rush hour prices. classic.

deadlines

2011-12-03T22:10:00.002Z

xmas comes early when you have overseas packages to post. last shipping day to canada from the uk is friday (and even that is optimistic - last year's parcels arrived sometime in the new year despite religious observance of the post office decree).

i'm nearly there - as always i wish i had (a lot) more money and more time, but that is in itself probably the essence of life, so who am i to argue?

the lovely bit comes after the parcels are posted, and it is just us and the turkey. (and the wine and the whiskey and the cheese and the olives and the special cake-slices of nougat from italy and the cheesy xmas films and the new murakami novel ....)

i love christmas

my journey home

2011-12-01T19:15:00.002Z

lazy knitting haiku from the fantastic panopticon:

"Sudden Awareness."

Knit knit knit knit wait
What? Damn! Rip rip rip rip rip
Rip rip rip rip rip

mine was more prose-y and not a haiku - it went- gosh, that thumb looks a little skinny knit knit purl knit knit purl etc etc holds up nearly finished thumb against first mitten to check length - that's funny - it really is a lot skinnier - sudden flashback of picking up thumb stitches and the full unbending knowledge that i was supposed to have my 18 original PLUS the 3 picked up, and was only to reduce the EXTRA picked up stitches. which i knew, of course. i sighed, put it away, and left the frogging for another day.

i now have a small pile of stuff i have to fix that i've knit for xmas. it's now bigger than the stuff i have to knit before xmas.

i suppose that's progress...

a walk in the sun and other good things

2011-11-27T19:38:00.003Z

i've been thinking of favourite smells this afternoon, mostly brought on by the crackling smell of potatoes hitting hot duck fat as we prepared our supper this evening. onions browning in butter has got to be right up there - always makes me happy. chicken stock simmering. cedar trees. the winter smell of faversham, which is a combination of chimney smoke, the sea and the brewery. brushing up against lavender bushes.

we went for a long walk along the marshes this afternoon. it was sunny, but windy. i had to be brave:

that, my friends, is almost certainly a killer cow ready to charge at the slightest smell of fear. n stopped to take closeups, but i was already halfway to the next gate shouting in that trying-not-to-arouse-the-cattle sotto-voice "for gods sake, don't hang about - go - go!"

work is too dull to even mention, and dad is not as well as we would like, but life goes on, and i have a lot to be grateful for. for one thing, the killer cow resisted attack and i am still here, in one piece, against obviously frightening odds!

oh yeah, and in other news, n and i are going to get married in may. we are both somewhat ambivalent, the patriarchal traditional aspects of marriage not really part of our world view, but it turns out that this is by far the cheapest and most effective way of making sure we are taking care of each other, come what may. and you get a good party to boot. we are nothing if not romantic.

whimpering and rallying

2011-11-04T19:13:00.002Z

well.

well well well.

i mean, if you were to ask me this week how i liked my new job i would probably reply (in my head) 'i hate it'. which is true. but it is also true that i still think the move has a lot of merit and it has certainly been successful in some measures. it will make me a better project manager. it has brought a degree of security that we didn't have before. it has paid (PAID) holiday - uk holiday - proper holiday.

but dear god above - i am working for a bank! how did this happen? how could i be so - so - corrupted?!

(technically i am not working for a bank - i am working for a consultancy firm that works for the bank. i am pretty sure this distinction will be immaterial come the revolution but it goes some way to salving my injured conscience).

it's been a trying few weeks. the culture shock of going back to the city, although anticipated, has quite taken my breath away.

btw, i should perhaps at this juncture point out that when londoners refer to 'the city', they are not referring to london. they are referring to a district of london, also known as 'the square mile'. the city is one of the primary financial zones (canary wharf being the bratty younger brother), as well as being the oldest part of london. this makes for some fabulous architecture - you will find remnants of the old roman walls, the tower of london, the monument, and something like 10 churches designed by sir christopher wren including st pauls. there are up sides to working here. on the next sunny day i will endeavor to take pictures to share with you. unfortunately, this wonderful built environment is rather distempered by the hordes of suited-and-booted minions of the devil who have made this their spiritual home.

i've worked here before, which adds shades of nostalgia to the unique city mix of wonder at the history and architecture and nausea at many of the inhabitants. but it's been a long time, over 10 years, and i have changed considerably. i'm happy, for a start. that alone will surely set me apart from the hordes.

it is getting better. i am no longer consumed with depression when faced with my new environment. i will eventually get used to working long hours again, and probably even enjoy that to some degree. once i get 'properly trained' (is it just me who pictures rolled-up newspaper here?) i will be busy and i am happy when i'm busy.

but - but -

- being a responsible grownup really bites arse sometimes.

new things

2011-10-23T20:05:00.003+01:00

well i start my new job tomorrow. i wish now that i had taken a week off between jobs - liminal space and all that. my head is still at my old job to some extent and i keep remembering things and sending emails to my former colleagues that will confirm any lingering doubts they may have had about my sanity. this morning i woke up in a rush after dreaming that i'd gone to my old office and forgotten to go to my new office - only remembering when they rang to find out where i was.

i feel a bit anxious too, but i'm sure that will go fast enough. i also feel like i'm coming down with a cold which is seriously bad timing. hopefully the industrial levels of vitamin c, zinc and echinacea i'm necking will hold it at bay.

so - tally ho and what not (ahem) - wish me luck!

in which things get a little crazy and emotional but all work out in the end (i hope)

2011-10-18T19:17:00.002+01:00

actually, that about sums it up.

so, i have a new job, i start on monday, it's with a consultancy group in the city, and corporate corporate corporate. right now, today, this seems like a ludicrous move, but i did have a pro/con list and everything, and BOTH my mom and n agreed that it was a good idea. i can only trust that my decision-making process was sound and hope to god my new boss isn't a psychopath. if anyone knows how to squeeze a size 14 body into a size 10 suit please email me immediately. solutions must not exclude eating or (especially) drinking.

the imminent beginning of the new job necessarily involves extraction from the old job, and this is sad. i am sad to leave. i will miss my friends, and all of the lovely people (they're all lovely when you are about to leave). i keep getting emails saying how much i'll be missed, which is sweet, and appreciated, but does nothing for my willpower. i will have a good send off on thursday, and i will try not to cry.

i will try not to cry as i look ahead to actually working, hard again.

i will try not to cry as we go from being paid weekly to NOT BEING PAID AT ALL FOR 5 WEEKS. that's going to be fun and educational, if you think that getting creative with dried beans is educational. maybe those old size 10 suits in my closet aren't out of the question after all.

and i will try not to cry as during all of this, which is nothing, really, my dad in canada is not well. he's going to be ok, i think, but it's a tough time right now. i feel selfish, obsessing about work when there are so many bigger more important things, but then on the other hand, if i obsessed about the big stuff, i'd probably never get out of bed again.

this is yet another reason why knitting is so great. you can obsess and worry all you like about how your socks are turning out, but at the end of the day, they're just socks.

there's probably a moral in there somewhere.

sniff i'm going to miss this job

2011-10-13T19:42:00.005+01:00

going through old emails in preparation for leaving camden next week (i have a new shiny job - it's all good), i found this. it was in response to our manager asking us what we were working on so he knew what to write on our contract extension forms.

From: grapecat
Sent: 10 September 2010 15:58
To: manager
Subject: What I do

This is an interesting and multi-layered question. However, I assume that you are referring specifically to what I do at Camden and not, for instance, general physical manifestations such as the continual processing of oxygen into carbon dioxide or the existential angst that unfortunately stalks all sentient beings.

At Camden, I am one of four project managers who are tasked with delivering moves, office refurbishments, and the introduction of flexible working to a council that is – how do we say this politely - somewhat resistant to change. I am currently working with the xxxxx Directorate, where I am nearing the end of the planning stage and the beginning of the implementation stage of a large project. This project is designed to introduce hotdesking, modern records management, and a new and improved desking layout to the 6th floor of the Town Hall Extension, as well as balancing out desking, filing, and staff numbers throughout the floors occupied by the xxxxx directorate. I do this through a series of team meetings, staff consultations, coordination, planning, and, frankly, sheer blind optimism.

The implantation stage of this project begins on the weekend of 2-3 October, and will continue throughout the month. It is likely that there will be further work to complete throughout November as staff settle into their new environment and embrace (cough) new ways of working.

In addition to this, I have also been unofficially seconded to the xxxx team working with Procurement, although this may have unofficially drawn to a close.

I am also assisting in working with the new Removal contractor to establish ways of working and associated documentation that will carry us through the 4-year contract period.

On a personal note, I love to read, knit, prepare and eat good meals with great friends, and I am inordinately fond of puppies.

Yours most sincerely,

grapecat
Project Manager
Property Services

*****

From: manager
Sent: 10 September 2010 16:18
To: grapecat
Subject: RE: What I do

Thanks for this, however could you please expand on your general physical manifestations such as the continual processing of oxygen into carbon dioxide or the existential angst that is unfortunately stalking you?

Many thanks,

manager
Project Manager

ps

2011-10-02T22:35:00.001+01:00

so far no itching.

sailing day 3

2011-10-02T22:11:00.002+01:00

this woman is amazing

2011-09-27T20:34:00.003+01:00

Miina Äkkijyrkkä

sculptures of cows made of old cars - beautiful, magical.

love the paintings as well. make sure you check out the models page.

wow. just wow.

still crazy after all these...

2011-09-22T19:26:00.002+01:00

pints? moves? hare-brained schemes? jobs?

jobs. oh yes. jobs.

i may have made a mistake today. ok let me re-phrase that. i undoubtedly made about a million mistakes today because i am so busy and so behind at work frankly it's amazing anyone gets moved at all but there you go. somehow it all gets done and we move on.

i have always been surfing for other jobs in a sort of well-you-never-know sort of vein - i love where i work but the job security is dicey and there is no holiday/sick pay so it leaves us a bit open should something nasty happen. it has been very quiet on the job front (ha ha - that must be one of the understatements of the year!), but, like buses, three showed up all at once. once was easily discounted, one has progressed to talking offers (no actual offer yet), and one was waiting for me to write a covering statement about why i was so fab for the role yada yada yada.

you know - i am actually so bored by this i can't even write about it. i can't imagine how bored you must be. suffice to say, i trashed one of them in before receiving a firm offer from another. perhaps this will come back to bite me, perhaps not. this afternoon, it was just a way of getting it off my to-do list. this evening, i am full of self doubt. how dull.

here's something that's not dull - ever since we went sailing last Sunday, my legs have been itchy, and they are coming up in weird hard lumps and welts that look just like some tiny sea parasite has laid dime-sized eggs under my skin and they are just waiting to hatch. i looked it up - there is a parasite like that, but it leaves wavy lines, and it's not in the sea. yet. what could it be? sand flies? wet-suit allergy? parasite in wetsuit? it's odd. and uncomfortable. and it's not getting any better.

by the way you wouldn't believe the google results you get from the search terms in the above paragraph. wow.

sailing pics

2011-09-18T19:00:00.002+01:00

sailing day 2

2011-09-18T18:43:00.003+01:00

wet suits - not so flattering actually...

we had our second day of sailing lessons today - and what a day for it! beautiful, crisp, sunny, and, in the morning at least, perfect wind. not too windy, not too calm. we headed out in the morning to practice tacking - turning the boat through the wind. the morning flew by - it was so beautiful out there - you could see the wind farm windmills turning lazily, and the old ww2 forts off in the distance.

in the afternoon, it was a different story all together - no wind! our instructor had to tow us out - "wait here" he commanded, to much laughter as there was no chance we were going anywhere! we learned how to gybe, and how to heel inside the boat, to the front, and make slight rudder adjustments to get movement - any movement. the wind did pick up, changed direction completely, and we got to sail into the wind to get back to shore.

i was nervous (ha ha - petrified!!) in the morning, but i did relax and i really enjoyed the day. you'd never guess it was the same thing - the morning we had a few weeks back in a high wind, and the lazy floating around buoys we did today. so many different faces to sailing. it's exhilarating being on the water, and this time, when the wind (finally) picked up, it was fun (mostly). and this time, i managed not to fall in.

we have another half day to complete for our level 1 certification, then we will want to complete our level two (another two days and more money than we have - but we will find it!). if we do that next spring, we can rent dinghies in the summer to practice.

when we got home i had what was probably the best, hottest bath ever, and now n is frying porkchops for our dinner. we are operating at about quarter speed - completely knackered, but happy.

drunk on trains

2011-09-14T22:24:00.005+01:00

leaving do in london this evening - stayed longer than i ought - on the way home - fun with dark train windows and flash...

and horror of horrors - caught at the end by someone walking through the train - and the look if - what the hell are you doing? ummmm - taking pictures of myself in the dark window? erm.....

faversham hop festival

2011-09-06T08:47:00.011+01:00

phew! what a weekend! here's a few pics from the hop festival to give you a flavour...

i love the hats of the morris dancers - such amazing feathers and costumes.

here's a traditional group dancing in front of the phoenix.

there are also not-so traditional groups - even biker and goth morris dancers! these guys have their faces in black to represent the coal mines (and probably for scary effect as well!)

the hop truck

the garden of the anchor. to the left is a large stage where great bands played. we were dancing here friday night and most of saturday afternoon.

yummy. hog roast at the railway.

this is the brewery stage, the band on the stage is sur les docks, an energetic french punk/folk band. the weather was beautiful all day saturday and the crowds were huge.

new year, new hops. we live in an oast house - hops are a requirement! this is our kitchen window. the old hops will be burned on the next fire. the smell of the new hops wafts through the whole house.

still summer

2011-09-03T20:34:00.002+01:00

sitting outside in shorts and a tshirt - lanterns lit, bbq alight and salmon on the grill. feet dirty (filthy!) from dancing barefoot in the pub garden. you know it's september only because it's dark (that, and the underlying smell of fungi and the slight rotting of autumn). if it were july it would still be light.

but there's something about the lanterns and torches flickering in the warm night - the smell of good food in the dark.

we've spent a decadent, delicious day at the hop festival today. this is the icing on the cake.

sailing day 1

2011-09-01T15:43:00.005+01:00

wow - sailing in a dinghy is a lot faster than i thought it would be! and exhausting - we are knackered. but fun. very very fun. the wind picked up while we were out and it got a little dicey - so much so they canceled this afternoon (we'll get a half day sailing later). tomorrow looks calmer so we should be good all day. we're not sorry - we need a rest after that!

if this is sanity...

2011-08-30T19:25:00.003+01:00

...we may be in trouble.

never mind that i've been working for the last 6 weeks straight. ok, there was that one weekend and the odd day, but still.

and not easy working, if there is such a thing. no - this is working-when-you-know-you're-bloody-working, with people who i would probably get fired for decking if i wasn't mainlining rioja every evening. no, it helps, really. i haven't been swimming, but i have lost 3 kilos just in headless-chicken running round. btw, i am not the headless chicken in this scenario, mostly i am just trying to run them down to try to convince them that it is all going to be all right even though i just want to scream FOR GODS SAKE IT'S ONLY HOTDESKING!!!!!!!!! it's FILING - not your CHILDREN - can you please just RELAX??????

i obviously need a vacation.

so i am about to stuff an entire (in my life anyways) summer's worth of vacation activity into one week, which sounded fun when i hatched this plan in july, and now sounds, well, exhausting.

the highlight of all this is that n and i are finally doing our level 1 sailing certification course in whitstable on thursday and friday - and actually, i am enormously excited about this.there's also dinner in london with friends, the hop festival (where we are both volunteering) and various other goodies.

i think i need a lie down just thinking about it.

can anyone explain to me...

2011-08-25T12:43:00.000+01:00

why this is so damn cute?!

my yarn hates me

2011-08-18T20:54:00.004+01:00

noro stripy socks are much harder to knit than they would appear. correction. nice-looking noro stripy socks are much harder. dog vomit stripes are remarkably easy, as it turns out. the idea is that you take this fabulous yarn that changes colour (dramatically but slowly) and you split the skein, then knit socks in 4-row stripes and the colours will magically stripe into stripy brilliance. there were no dog vomit stripes on the ravelry project pages, but dog vomit stripes were indeed what i achieved. so i frogged them. i don't think you could make socks that ugly if you tried.

which pretty much sums up my day.

it poured. my shoes leak. i have been looking at new shoes for (EVER) a few weeks but due to indecision and a pathological urge that only allows me to justify spending money on wine and yarn i did not buy any and now, in my hour of need, i am of wet and soggy feet. work is incredibly work-ish at the moment, and we are out of homemade wine. i read today that this is the 5th consecutive wet summer in the uk. london, london - why do you make it so hard to love you sometimes?

on the upside, it's thursday. and we still have port (*grin*)

plausability

2011-08-15T18:54:00.002+01:00

i was walking home from the pool tonight, passing a house on the corner that i always notice for two reasons: one is it's strange mitred facade which is odd in a victorian terrace row. the other reason is that i have never seen the curtains opened. not once. not in years. sure enough, tonight was no exception, all curtains firmly shut. obviously vampires, right? i then half remembered a conversation with n about the same house, where n gave a plausible alternative motive. i couldn't remember what it was, and, trying to remember, thought, "harumph. what could possibly be more plausible than vampires?" i then remembered n's theory that the house was probably vacant. i guess he's probably right. that is more plausible than vampires.

2011-08-14T17:17:00.002+01:00

peoples, i have accomplished much on this glorious (unexpected) free weekend. the merit of said accomplishments will be left to the reader, of course, but i am content.

so, in no particular order:

- i finished n's socks which have been languishing, all for want of a kitchener stitch graft to the toe and heel. kitchener grafting, for me, takes fortitude and concentration, two things not forthcoming over the past two weeks (can something be forthcoming in the past?)

- i have started a cowl for myself which will require a full 58 stitch kitchener graft to finish. i am either hopelessly optimistic about my ability to pick up knitting skills or a complete idiot who doesn't mind wearing wonky cowls.

- we went to a play. and i remembered, yet again, that i far prefer reading or listening rather than watching. but still, am OBVIOUSLY more cultured now.

- i slept in till 8 o'clock yesterday morning and then had coffee in bed with a good book (bliss).

- i finished and blocked baby hat and blanket for a friend - and it looks lovely. (no kitchener stitch)

- we biked up to the shipwright and sat on the sea bank with our pints watching boats - and we saw a seal! first time :)

- this morning, i made two great omelets - gruyère and ham - usually i mess up the first one, but this morning - omelet utopia.

- i didn't get into a fight with anyone about the riots (considerably more difficult than it sounds).

- i sat outside in the garden, in the sunshine, feet up, glass of white port to hand, and read the papers (more bliss).

now, after a quick bath, we will wander down to the anchor to check out green diesel, the band of a friend of a friend's.

all hail the unexpected weekend!

awol

2011-08-12T19:15:00.002+01:00

i know - busy and all that. but this weekend, i will make up for it.

at least that is my plan. it's a fluid plan though - i'll warn you now. it could very possibly get filled up with red wine and dancing. these things happen.

i was supposed to be working tomorrow, but we got so much done during the week it is no longer necessary. the number of times this has happened is probably comparable to - i don't know - catching a bus right away without three going by in the opposite direction every day for a month. or when you have exactly the amount of yarn in a skein for the hat you meant to make, every time. or the number of times humph does NOT bark when the people who walk their spaniels at 6 am in the park next to our house blow their dog whistles. (for reference, sleepiness descends and wakefulness ascends like dripping water torture with each bark, and screaming into a pillow, 'oh for gods sake humph put a sock in it' is futile. on the plus side, i've been at work at 8am every day for weeks).

or when you decide to have a thanksgiving dinner in england and you and your partner both invite loads of people, confident in the knowledge that at least a third of them will be busy and can't make it, and it's not until the night before that you are tallying up your guest list and you realise that suddenly you are cooking for 20 and you only have 6 plates. (this was years and years ago and it all worked out perfectly but the moment of heart-dropping realisation will stay with me for a lifetime).

unusual times.

the quiet before...

2011-07-31T07:39:00.002+01:00

it's sunday morning, 730 am. humph is snoozing on the sofa - he will begin his "time for my 8 oclock walk" routine in about 20 minutes. this involves oversized stretches, dramatic yawns, meaningful stares in the direction of the door, and eventually a full on choral accompaniment of whining. this all turns into miraculous, scampering, whimpering joy when we put our shoes on. if i am not putting on my shoes, and look like i will stay at the table drinking coffee, humph will come and stare at me from about 6 inches away, and if that fails, will actually prod me with his (cold, wet) nose. he has an unerring knack of finding that strip of skin between the waistband of my jeans and my t-shirt. it certainly gets your attention. he's right of course, the walks are lovely and the perfect way to start a day.

but this is all ahead. right now, we relax in a sunday morning ocean of calm (and coffee).

cognitive thinking - not so good

2011-07-24T13:56:00.005+01:00

poor humph. n has taken out the rubbish, putting up the gate to keep humph from accompanying.

barred and trapped. oh the pathos, the cruelty, the whining.

but say humph, what's that to your right?

could that be a gap, do you suppose? could you be released from your unholy prison to take your right and proper place at your master's side?

perhaps it is too narrow?

no, not too narrow, but it IS on the scary scary floor - the bit with no life-saving, floor mat lily pads. and there, humph will not go. unless he forgets, which he does often, happily prancing back and forth, all four paws on the dreaded lino, until - something twigs deep in the recesses of his doggy brain, he looks down, and *whoosh*, scampers for safety.

one of these days he will figure it out and we will have to become considerably more conscientious with our behavioral controls.

until then, we do have a laugh, i'm afraid. poor old humph.

bed transcendence

2011-07-17T16:32:00.002+01:00

i will not be held back by your arbitrary definitions of bed...

home alone*

2011-07-16T21:18:00.002+01:00

*does the dog count?

i have a very unusual, luscious evening all to myself tonight. it's not often i get time here alone anymore, so when i do it's a bit of a treat. i am guessing that this is a treat that would wear off quickly and this post should in no way be read as tempting fate, but - you know - once in a while - it is nice.

i am listening to the tUnE-yArDs album, WHOKILL, and i'm enjoying it immensely. i read a review of it on a blog this morning, went onto spotify, and am now listening to the album. just like that. amazing.

n is playing a wedding this evening - a country-western themed lesbian wedding. they have a bull ride, a hog roast, and, apparently, more stetsons than you could shake a stick at. he was really looking forward to it -and you have to admit, it sounds like fun. were i the marrying type, that's the sort of thing i would go for. fingers crossed that it's all going well.

(if i were the marrying type, i'd skip everything but the entertainment and hire richard cheese and a great well stocked bar with bartender and we would all dance into oblivion to cheesy versions of so-called pop culture and even though i would still spend the same as those "this is the most wonderful day of my life" freaks we would have way. more. fun.)

when i told my mom about my evening of solitude (*) on our weekly phone call (we live far away but keep up remarkably - were we to live in the same country we would not converse with anything like this frequency. odd, no?), she laughed and said i'd probably be asleep in half an hour.

she's so misguided. it'll be at least 45 minutes.

even the cat knows

2011-07-14T21:26:00.000+01:00

too right.

(not so) tidy

2011-07-03T21:15:00.003+01:00

grapecat: hey - did you put the tool box away?
n: yeah - i thought you were done with it
grapecat (archly): no - of course not - if i were finished with it, i would have put it away!
n: (slight pause followed by hysterical laughter)

random humph pic

2011-06-29T22:10:00.003+01:00

another blissed-out doggy pic:

and in other news - happy birthday to n! who hates this sort of thing but was still able to be convinced to have a lovely bbq supper of t-bone steak, asparagus, grilled tomatoes, and a very good bottle of wine, followed by vanilla ice cream and dark chocolate salty cookies. i have also started socks for him, despite my protestations about foot size. i am a sucker for the puppy dog eyes, both canine and male, although we have compromised and they are aran weight yarn. the socks. the eyes are pure cashmere lace-weight - irresistible.

potential

2011-06-21T19:45:00.004+01:00

i received some unexpected money last week and promptly blew the lot on wool - so, so much more fun than work shirts which is what i meant to spend it on. who could resist? n is on skein-winding stand-by, poor sod.

there is so much delicious potential in that little pile - humph agrees, though his designs are nefarious and he must be carefully watched. needless to say, neither of our wool fetishes have diminished with time.

and happy summer solstice! hopefully yours has an accompanying summer. it is still cool and damp in the uk. but still - the light is beautiful and we biked up to the shipwright for a solstice pint, and mighty good it was too.

smells like...

2011-06-19T14:12:00.003+01:00

right now, our house is being devoured by amazing smells. there are three types of bacon smoking outside in the smoker - the door is open and a porky-smoky tang is filtering through, mixing with the smell of taragon and lemon roast chicken and the goose-fat silkiness of roast potatoes in the oven. it's times like this i really feel quite sorry for sir humph - who, with a sense of smell 600x ours, must really be suffering. sometimes, it is really really great to be human.

it's a lazy sunday here at the oast - n had a gig at the elephant last night after that amazing lunch, and today we are somewhat subdued. hangover eating - the best kind. especially with bacon. and chicken. and cheese. and olives. and wine. and roast potatoes.

yup, it really is good to be human sometimes.

ahh pleasure piggy

2011-06-18T17:48:00.003+01:00

this afternoon we had a fabulous, looked-forward-to birthday lunch at the sportsman. we first found the sportsman on our bicycle explorations when we moved to kent in 2003. a weather-beaten, veranda'd pub in the middle of nowhere? must go in and explore further. then we saw the menu and fell head over heels in love. since then, they've won michelin stars, but it is still the pub/restaurant we fell in love with. i studied for many of my exams in their sunny veranda, and many times we've popped in for a drink when we couldn't afford lunch.

lunch, however, has always been special, and today was no exception. we took a taxi there, rather than biking, because "the weather outside is frightful" even though it's june. we were slightly early, and settled in at the bar, where we caught up with one of the owners over the merits and intricacies of home smoked bacon and the menu on offer today, written in chalk near the bar. n had slip sole in seaweed butter to start, folowed by aylesbury duck (breast roasted pink, leg confit). i had the pork terrine to start, and the turbot with smoked pork belly.
pudding was a chocolate mouse with milk sorbet and salty caramel.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i'm not sure i can even write about lunch here - but what i can say is that i love it here more than any other restaurant, i think. i always feel comfortable here - even though the food is amazing (the guy makes his own sea salt for crying out loud!) i never feel like i don't belong - everyone is friendly, and more than than, happy to talk about THE FOOD, which, frankly, is the point. by the middle of the main course i have that soporific happy-food pleasure-pig feeling which just increases until, by the time we hit the dessert wine and salty caramel, i am pretty much ecstatic.

i also managed to get a lovely pic of my sweet:

isn't he lovely?

more knitting...

2011-06-17T18:19:00.006+01:00

a stripy-sock photoshoot with added greyhound:

i'm not so crazy about these socks even though i love the colour - i used a different pattern that i won't use again - i find the toe a bit pointy and somehow i managed to make them a little big. they are, however, insanely comfortable and so warm i think i need to take them off now.

in other news, it's friday - yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

lazing on a sunday afternoon

2011-06-05T19:27:00.004+01:00

it's been a quiet day. we've been racking wine: 4 gallons of elderflower, 1 gallon of rhubarb, and 3 litres of elderflower cordial. i have had quite enough of elderflowers for this year. i will scream if i have to pick another tiny finicky little flower off of another flower head. that said, i sure love the wine. we made a gluttonous mac and cheese for lunch, did a bit of knitting, wandered down to the pub at the end of the road to see what the band sounded like (3 wings songs in a row - down the pints and move on out). a movie, some popcorn, a bit more knitting...

a lazy pleasure-piggy day .

granted, we are still a bit subdued from n's excellent gig on friday night, then staying up till the wee hours drinking absurd amounts of red wine and laughing the night (and a good chunk of the morning) away with the most amazing (and very funny) m. m & his wife now complete the full set of all my (straight) friends in my age group are either having or have had snappers last year and this. i think it's awfully nice of them all to have lovely babies for me to play with and snuggle (and give back as soon as they cry/shit/pee/throw up). in my opinion, babies are delightful, up to a point (see previous). i do intend to be a great honorary auntie, however. any tips?

and, for your viewing pleasure, a very cute pup, encountered on the way to the anchor last weekend:

happy sunday - have a good week :)

spring weekend

2011-05-30T18:31:00.007+01:00

biking down to luddenham farm - everything green despite the drought

a pint up at the shipwright arms on the way home

sitting in the garden: wine, bbq, newspapers, and a great view

one blissed-out doggie

smoke'm, smoke'm, smoke'm if you got'm

2011-05-28T19:05:00.004+01:00

probably not quite what the fun lovin' criminals were talking about...

and then the rain came

2011-05-26T18:59:00.004+01:00

today the rain came - finally. it rained for a short burst on sunday, about 10 minutes or so, but that's really it since sometime in mid april or so. in england. crazy times.

actually, thinking of the rain on sunday - it's funny how what you're doing affects how you exerience time. we were having this conversation at work (about rain - it was the london conversation today), and one of my colleagues said, "but it rained for ages on sunday - we were playing golf - we got drenched - it was a downpour!" whereas we were snug in the anchor having a pint with hj&f and considered it a mere cloudburst over in minutes.

it poured today, no matter what you were doing. i was working late, doing a quick desk layout change on one of our offices. as i was walking back to st pancras, the rain let up, the sun shone through, and i saw this:

then quick as anything, the sky returned to slate, thunder rumbled, and the downpour continued.

makin' bacon

2011-05-22T17:28:00.004+01:00

ummmmmm. bacon. food of the god(less). no really - all that luscious pork-belly fat is not pious - it is much more adapted to the savoury salivatory depraved depths. yum.

we have been the very fortunate and very delighted recipients of a cold smoker, built by a friend of our friends. it is a thing of beauty, modeled below by the ever lovely n with his eager, but confused assistant, humphrey:

yesterday at the farmers market we picked up 1.3 k of pork belly. we've split in in half. one half we are brining (wet cure) and one half we are dry-curing. we're sticking to very basic cure recipes, in order to compare and contrast - just salt, sugar, and maple syrup.

this piggy needs to cure for about 4-5 days and we will smoke both sides of belly probably next saturday (as long as the weather doesn't get too hot).

this other piggy (ahem) is happily guzzling the "bit that didn't make a whole bottle" of last summer's gooseberry wine, bottled this afternoon. there's a chicken roasting in the oven and all is well.

i have always been a lay-dee

2011-05-18T20:44:00.002+01:00

yup - that's me, 3o-odd years ago.

i haven't changed much.

the joy of jet lag

2011-05-04T23:48:00.002+01:00

i was tired all day.
i fell asleep on the train on the way home.
i fell asleep for a minute in the bath.
then i crawled into bed and laid there for two hours wide awake listening to n snore.
jet lag has a sadistic sense of humour.

i've given up for a bit and come downstairs for a glass of wine and a whine (ha ha - see - sleep deprived - sorry). i'm always like this flying out this way. i thought i'd escaped it this time because thanks to going all sunday night and monday with no sleep, i slept ok on monday night. n woke me up at 1030 am tuesday (good thing - i would have slept all day), and last night i slept more or less. but tonight, alas, it has caught up to me.

i will try again in a bit, and will probably just lay there until i do eventually fall asleep. it's more getting up for work that will be nasty, but it's temporary and by the weekend i should be back in uk time all together.

i had a great trip and i'm so glad i went, but it's good to be back home. although winnipeg is not a city i would recommend for its architecture or its nightlife, it does have some things going for it. the rivers are magical to some extent, i think. people are very friendly. i can personally recommend the hendricks gin martinis at the rooster in osborne village after a happy evening guzzling and laughing with the most awesomest geo. (the only place btw that was not playing 80s rock music).

my parents are dealing with dad's illness in a way that makes me so proud of both of them. we needed to be together though - like that - it was important. some things you need to see for yourself to understand. it was hard to say good bye but i left, confident that we will handle whatever comes, together.

flight inconveniences

2011-05-02T09:06:00.003+01:00

in winnipeg it is 3 am. in london it is 9 am. i should be landing in london at 1230pm. instead i am in toronto, where it is 4am, and i am waiting for my flight to reconvene. it all started well, my flight from winnipeg left on time, and i made the connection with no problems. we boarded, the plane was full, and then we sat. and sat. and sat.

first it was something to do with the engine. then someone left the flight and they needed to find his luggage. by that time the pilots would have been on too long and they needed a new crew. then after a few hours of waiting for them they booted us all off and gave us hotel or food vouchers. then the hotel coach broke down. i figured i might as well hang out in the airport, and i was starving.

the only restaurant open is a greasy monstrosity called the yorkville grill (the name is by far the most promising thing about it). they had cheeseburgers or chicken finger burgers. that's it. and no beer. or rather, they did have beer, glistening amorously behind glass but they do not serve after 2am. so no drinks, no sleep, and i actually ate chicken fingers.

of course, it could be alot worse. the woman sitting next to me is flying out because her brother died this weekend and she is trying to get to her family. there are alot of families with young children, and older people who will be having a tough time managing this. i am only tired, and will recover easily enough with a night or two of sleep (and BEER!)

the flight will ostensibly leave toronto at 8 am. we'll see. i hope so. all in all, it has been a wonderful trip but dreadful traveling. better than the reverse i suppose.

new typeface?

2011-04-25T23:15:00.002+01:00

say it with llamas!

make sure to check out the who/what/why - it's worth it.

winnipeg

2011-04-24T02:17:00.004+01:00

notes from winnipeg:

jetlag bites. i am now a morning person. blech. the other side of this is that it is currently 830 pm and all i want to do is go to bed. must - stay awake - must - stay awake...

in canada, everything works the first time. doors, tills, toilets, stoves - everything.

it is impossible to connect from an international flight to a domestic flight in toronto in an hour.

big sky. big big sky. vertigo-inducing sky. and all buildings only one story high so you can't miss the effect.

ok - i'm going to have to go run on the spot or something to stay awake -

ps i finished the socks

2011-04-13T19:44:00.001+01:00

it is now official. if your feet are longer than 25 centimetres and you would like me to knit you socks, you will have to resort to bribery.

wow - you really do laugh later

2011-04-13T19:32:00.002+01:00

we are sitting at our table, eating a really lovely bean soup that n has made. (aside: this version is with tinned white beans as n has burned the living daylights out of the soaked batch - a fact which a: i could identify walking up the path to the house by smell alone and b: made me laugh rather unsympathetically as i have done the same thing more times than you could count). it is still light, and we have been admiring the sun on the trees - in that particular luminescent spring light that you get at this time of year. suddenly the windows rattle and two cars pull into the rec ground parking lot on the other side of our fence, booming bass and blasting a hip-hop-grime monstrosity. we roll our eyes and make droll comments about others' music tastes.

we then get to reminiscing about other loud near-the-house music atrocities. the winner by a long way, is the couple last summer in the same parking lot. i assume they were a couple. all i know for sure is that at 430 one summer morning, we were flung into a horrible confusing awakeness by the incredibly loud playing of whitney houston's bodyguard soundtrack (i think that was what it was, anyways). it took us a good 5 minutes to figure out why we were even awake, and other 2 or 3 to locate the thousand decibel warble of "and i-i-i--i-i---ii--will always love youuuuuuuuuuu". i think they were making out to this. the mind shudders, really.

i had forgotten about this, and at the time, we were actually considering intervention (it's amazing what seems logical at such an hour, an many circumstances). but it did make us laugh, finally.

obviously!

2011-04-11T14:27:00.001+01:00

emailed to me from a friend at work:

Speaking of translations, a translation story, told to me by Greg Doran of the RSC on Friday, dating from the time he was in Japan:

LOCAL DIRECTOR: We hope you will enjoy our Midsummer Night's Dream, though you will understand that we have had to translate the play into terms our audience will understand.

DORAN: How interesting -- what changes have you had to make, beyond translating the words?

LOCAL DIRECTOR: In Japan there is no real forest and no tradition of forests meaning anything special. So our Midsummer Night's Dream takes place on the seashore.

DORAN: I see.

LOCAL DIRECTOR: And in Japanese culture there is no tradition of little magic flying creatures, no fairies. There is no Japanese equivalent word for 'fairy'. So our Midsummer Night's Dream has no fairies.

DORAN: But what about the fairy characters, Puck, Oberon, Titania and all? Have you simply cut them entirely?

LOCAL DIRECTOR: Certainly not. In our version, obviously, they are tuna fish.

spring*

2011-04-10T18:12:00.003+01:00

*with apologies to my fellow canadians, to whom spring is still just a vicious unconfirmed rumor...

spring has descended with a vengeance on the uk. the evidence is incontrovertible.

fact: every teenager in faversham is wearing short-shorts and proudly bearing sunburnt décolletage even though they really still need a light weight cardigan.

fact: tesco's is selling half easter eggs, half charcoal (not together - that would be one hell of mixed message probably more suited to christmas)

fact: we've had two bbq's in two days.

fact: birds, bees, and leaves on the trees.

english spring is a beautiful thing, and a "mini-heatwave" (bbc - a high of 22 - unfortunately they very well may be correct) needs to be inhaled and used up as there have been entire summers that never got this hot or this sunny.

so i am sitting outside in our garden, beside a fire and the remains of a bbq. i am still wearing a fleece but i am sockless, which feels like a sliver of freedom. we have spent the afternoon in the elephant's beer garden, and i needed a hat and sunscreen. i can hear random people singing - can't tell if it's football related or the group of (probably now quite drunk) teenagers hanging out in the park. i am full of lamb kofta and wine. katie is leaning out of her upstairs oast window watching her cat being taunted by two magpies. humph is watching developments with interest. the leaves on the trees around the oast are just-out - bright lime zest green and glowing in the late afternoon sunshine.

welcome spring - i missed you. don't forget to ring your friend summer, eh?

another gig,

2011-04-02T19:51:00.001+01:00

another set of the butterflies.

you'd think it was me playing.

this is ridiculous.

and another thing

2011-03-30T19:50:00.002+01:00

knitting socks for loved ones with size 10 feet is unending. they go on and on and on and on. if n gets a pair he'll be lucky. i haven't even finished the first one yet.

note to single knitters - pick small partners. it will save time and yarn. these things matter.

welcome to crazy town - population you

2011-03-30T19:10:00.002+01:00

life has gone nuts. some good, some bad, all nuts. i mean honestly, do i bloody look like a squirrel? apparently, i can't even spell squirrel. thank god for spell checkers. (ha ha - you don't even want to know how i tried to spell that!!) i can spell, actually, mostly. i just have momentary lapses. you know, the last company i worked for used lotus notes for their email, and it always used to bug me in a particularly pedantic way that the lotus notes spell checker couldn't recognise the word email. after gritting my teeth for the millionth time i finally decided it was probably some techie's idea of a joke.

anyways.

work is crazy. officially. it has been veering in that direction for some time but it has, without a doubt, hit the tipping point. the local gov't council that i work for is trying to undertake major cost saving exercises, several major directorate-wide restructures which include redundancies, a new revamped customer services programme, at year end. what could possibly go wrong? it's like working inside a manual of how not to do things.

i am only in the periphery, thank heavens, but it's amazing how much crazy drifts out from the centre. it is making it almost impossible to deliver the moves i need to do this weekend, and on top of this i am supposed to be trying to write one directorate's property strategy which, in this climate, is a farce. strategy is not even an option right now.

i am still waiting to hear if i am going to be taken away from all this into a new kind of crazy. dream job interview went ok - i think - it's hard to tell. it was scary. and difficult. and i had to answer questions like "what, in your opinion, would be the most important lease issues to consider for a twenty-person regional office in Kazakhstan?" (take that spell checker!) but i did my best and i did like the director a lot, which is good. either way, it's ok.

other things are crazy too - i fly out to winnipeg on the 21st. that is a different kind of crazy all together. more rabid squirrel than garden-variety nuts.(nope - still can't spell squirrel).

well as my mom always says, this too shall pass. my days are certainly flying by and i have to admit - i'm not even a teensy bit bored. exhausted, knackered, frustrated, and maybe slightly manic - but not bored.

look what n found!!!!

2011-03-28T20:07:00.002+01:00

look what n found!! it's an old workhorse - a singer 239 - made in italy, so heavy he had to set it down several times getting it home. works like a dream. yay!

i've wanted one for ages but didn't want to pay too much as i wasn't 100% sure i'd actually use it. this sweet pea cost a whopping £25. not bad. sewing up humph's duvets* will have it paying for itself in about 2 months.

*humph is a nester. he can destroy a dog bed in minutes. he now sleeps on (very cheap) duvets which he shreds in a matter of months. they will now be sewn up :)

happy news

2011-03-18T19:47:00.002Z

i have happy news!

a few weeks ago i applied for a dream job - the kind you apply for thinking - well - it's never going to happen but hey, why not go for it? good practice and all that.

the application was its own special circle of hell with questions like "why would you like to work at ______? Please explain, in no more than 300 words" and "in no more than 200 words, please describe your motivation for applying for this role".

it took me an entire afternoon. i actually used the word "relish". i wrote my heart on my sleeve.

deadline was 13 march and, hearing nothing, i figured well, nothing lost. perhaps in future i should tone down my enthusiasm.

today i got a call for an "initial interview". it's on wednesday (squeak).

i am now using words such as "delighted", "ecstatic", and phrases such as "it will probably never happen but OMG you never know! maybe?" and "s**t i really need to hem the trousers of that new suit i bought in the january sale"

judging from the application form this may be just the start of a long process and should it continue i almost definitely see "team building" exercises carried out with desperate enthusiasm in front of one-way mirror glass. and it will still be worth it. i don't expect to get it, but to get called to interview for the type of job i ultimately want - well - that is reason to celebrate indeed.

wish me luck

(there's a guy at work who went through 7 (SEVEN!) interviews only to be told "we're sorry but we feel you don't have enough _____ experience." gah. enthusiasm moderation is definitely in order.)

february made me shiver

2011-02-27T18:34:00.003Z

normally, i am an optimistic, naive being who nauseatingly exclaims at every season, " oh i LOVE (fill in season here). i think it's my favourite. think of the beer gardens/fireplaces/lambs/autumn leaves/bbq's/stews/asparagus/etc" it's a disgusting habit which should get me smacked but none-the-less, i persist.

there is one gigantic, 28-day exception to this rule and that is february. february can bite my arse. there are only two decent things about february as far as i am concerned - one is it's my mom's birthday on the 24th (happy birthday mom! i did actually send you a (late) card - try not to fall off your chair when it arrives). the other is that if you make elderflower wine in late june, you bottle (and drink) it in february, and it tastes like summer. keeps you going.

this february has been particularly pernicious because my dad has been ill. he is in winnipeg, with my afore-mentioned, recently-birthdayed (ok it's not a word but it should be) mom. i am in kent, uk. in case you missed the subtlety of my two con-joined statements, i am bloody far away, and feeling it.

be lucky march - we're counting on you.

socks and drugs and rock'n'roll part two

2011-02-10T19:39:00.004Z

first socks! oh yeah baby - the addiction is complete. they say the first high is the best - i'll keep you posted.

sundown

2011-01-26T20:42:00.002Z

when i was born in altona, manitoba, i was issued with a birth certificate, a complete internal prohibition against littering, and a penchant for gordon lightfoot. it's a canadian thing. (if canadians litter - even on another continent, they spontaneously combust. or they should.)

i love sundown - the cadences of the course lines repeated -
first "sundown you better take care if i find you've been creepin' round my backstairs",
second "sometimes i think it's a shame when i get feeling better when i'm feelin no pain",
then back to "sundown..." with a second of "sometimes i think it's a sin when i feel like i'm winning when i'm losing again"
and a grand finale of "sometimes i think it's a shame", two "sundown you better take care"'s and a "sometimes i think it's a sin".

it reminds me of classical poem construction - the ordered repeat of line and/or rhyme, whether sonnet or haiku.

and i love love love the line "i can see her looking fast in her faded jeans". i don't know why.

socks and drugs and rock'n'roll

2011-01-20T21:38:00.004Z

i knit a sock!!!!!!

yep - i know it's blurry. but even in it's befuddled state, it is, undeniably, a sock. another synonym for blurry is woolly. how appropriate.

i am so proud of this sock - it was so much fun to knit - i can even overlook the fact that it is (somehow! ha ha) not perfect.

now of course i have to make another sock. this will be fine. i'm totally not the kind of person that's going to lose interest as soon as the tricky bit is done and leave half-finished projects moping desolately about the house (cough mitten cough). no - of course not. a finisher, that's what i am (cough lacy scarf cough).

excuse me my conscience needs a lozenge.

(ps and yep - i did just change the title of this from stitch london's fab "keep calm and carry yarn" to what you see now. it had to be done.)

2011-01-15T18:55:00.004Z

n has a gig tonight in one of our locals, the elephant. if all goes well it could possibly lead to a regular booking there which would be great. he and s are so excited - they've just left with the myriad of gear that seems to underpin these evenings - both completely buzzing.

i'm terrified. i always get the most almighty case of nerves on these evenings. it's not that i think they will be bad in any way - they are both a) incredibly talented and b) professional enough to recover from anything so no worries there. i guess i get nervous because for me, doing what they're doing, would be pretty much the scariest thing in the known universe. so because i would find it akin to a relaxing dip in a great white shark tank, i get nervous on their behalf, even though they view this like six-year-olds on day passes to disneyworld. not logical at all but tell my stomach that.

the nerves always pass about 4 songs in and i'm sure we'll have a great evening. i have three goals for the evening:

1. not to drink too much. not out of nerves, not out of fun, not out of the bizarreness of english round buying system which can lock you in for more pints that you bargained for. several reasons for this, one of which leads to goal 2:

2. i will not dance like an idiot. this probably means that i should not dance at all. i once asked n if i looked stupid dancing and he gave me one of those looks and said, "well - i think everyone looks stupid dancing". take from that what you will.

3. to be proper - to remember names, buy the right drinks for the right people at the right time, to ask questions of people instead of blathering on and on about whatever inane flight of fancy has struck me.

none of this will happen of course. i will drink too much, i will dance like a monkey and i will spend the next two weeks trying to remember who people are. i'm wearing a necklace (i never wear jewelry - a certain bracelet excepted) - perhaps this will help anchor me to a grown up, rational action reality.

yeah ok you can stop laughing now.

my favourite wall plaque

2011-01-12T15:33:00.004Z

this morning at work started with a robust debate between myself and two co-workers over the stylistic merits or lack thereof of various fonts, ending in confessions of our favourites and several google searches to compare/contrast. i truely do work amongst my people.

having thus established my utter geekiness, it will come as no surprise to find i have favourite wall plaques as well. what? you don't? i'm not sure why faversham has these, but they do, and yesterday i found a gallery of them, with photos and explanations.

this is my favourite:

do you think he found it anti-climatic after all that? or was he just relieved to have a bit of peace and quiet?

some christmas pics

2011-01-08T18:43:00.005Z

a slippery, muddy walk through the marshes to the shipwright arms but so worth it. i am undoubtably knitting in this picture. very hard to leave for the homeward squelch through the fields back home.

humph having a duvet day

noms

kisses

some seriously fab yarnstorming

2011-01-07T19:03:00.001Z

OLEK AND THE CHARGING BULL ON WALL STREET from olek on Vimeo.

damn you auto-correct!

2011-01-07T14:39:00.004Z

we have just spent about an hour in hyesterics in our office laughing at the best of archives in damn you auto-correct. here's a few of my favourites:

2011-01-03T22:02:00.003Z

bedtime he says

uh huh i say

(look from him which says, hey - it's not me who has to get up at 620am tomorrow morning after 11 days of seldom opening the eye shutters before 9am and even then under duress, and not me who has to have an entire set of post-apocalyptic floor layout designs ready for a big meeting next week who has not even started data-crunching for such plans yet because the whole week before xmas was lost in mulled wine, bad dancing, and mince pies, and not me who has an entire move (albeit small, but complicated) to organise for saturday, and, ha ha too bad that you - unlike me - don't naturally wake up at 6am all lively and full of beans)

now i may be reading too much into it, but only in the detail.

i hate it when he's right like that.

happy back-to-work.

(but - oh - what a lovely holiday!)

slothing apace

2010-12-28T09:24:00.002Z

christmas is over, whats left of the turkey is tucked into small bags in the freezer, and the left-over veggies have all been eaten in bubble and squeak (topped with a fried duck egg - leftover luxury at its finest). i hope your christmas was as satisfying and as filled with laughter and fun as ours was.

now is the week of unplanned laying around. that is - the laying around is planned, just not the particular make-up. i've been playing with my laptop, and n has successfully figured out why ubuntu wouldn't load properly and has saved the day. i added flashy progress bars from ravelry onto the blog - i'm not sure if i like them though. what do you think? i finished n's hat and it is blocking as we speak. i made a mitten! although, to really pull that one off i need to make another mitten and now that i know how it works it's not as interesting. otherwise i have been reading in bed, snuggling with the humph, eating cheese and pate, and having long baths. bliss.

last night hamish stuart and his band were playing at the anchor - which isn't as odd as it sounds as he owns the anchor, and under his management, bands play most weeks. this was considerably more special though. the band were really tight, some great funk-jazz jamming, the pub packed and dancing - from kids to grannies - literally! there was one couple who had to be 70 if they were a day (though admittedly i am not familiar with their procreational choices so whether they were actually grandparents remains a mystery) and they danced up a storm. i love seeing people dancing - almost as much as i love dancing myself :) to have such quality of music in such an intimate setting with lovely people - for free - well, merry christmas to you too!

today i think i need a walk. even sloths need fresh air. unfortunately it is raining, but i suppose it shouldn't matter. it also looks very cold, for although it's been raining for hours, the ice in the park still hasn't melted. that can't be a good sign. a walk to a pub with a good fireplace will be essential. i may even start my new hat.

happy holidays!

i'm free!

2010-12-23T18:37:00.005Z

happy holidays everyone!

in this lovely adopted land of mine, christmas is a serious business which requires buildings to close down, and all of their employees forced - FORCED! to take time off. hallelujah.

as a result, i am now on holiday until 4 january 2011. miles away.

and no papers to write.

when people ask me what i'm going to do, i say "absolutly nothing", but really, between you and me, what i'm really going to do is:

1. eat. check this out - the amazing sight that met my eyes when i stopped in at h&j's on my way home this evening:

that's tomorrow's lunch! (and j can COOK, oh yes)
xmas day is at ours, traditional turkey, ours collected from the farm shop parking lot this morning, direct from the farm where up until about a week ago it was one of these:

technically i suppose it still is one of those, but it does look a little different now.

2. drink (starting tonight at the last folk music session at the bear)

3. knit:
the rowan plaid is for n's hat and mittens, the malabrigo is my new hat, the madeline tosh is for my very first pair of socks. you cannot believe how excited i am about this. all of this.

4. cook - of course!

5. read. i have a stack of books including (but not limited to!) the new le carre, several new cookbooks and all the wired magazines i haven't had time for since september.

6. walk. weather dependent.

and that's just for starters!

happy holidays!

(I can't get this smaller to fit - you'll just have to click...)

2010-12-23T08:49:00.006Z

and to top it all off - i sense a working-from home day tomorrow...

2010-12-19T17:30:00.001Z

start message:

Southeastern Alert Service
to me

show details 12:31 PM (3 hours ago)

Southeastern has been advised by Network Rail, who has responsibility for keeping the track clear of ice and snow, that we can run our normal timetable service for Monday 20 December.

The weather forecast remains for freezing temperatures overnight with more snow possible across Kent and East Sussex. So despite Network Rail's best efforts to clear the snow and ice, it's inevitable that services tomorrow will be disrupted, with cancellations, delays and short formations to trains as a result of damage caused by the snow and ice.

end message

inevitable????

christmas cheer

2010-12-19T16:32:00.008Z

i've been having wayyy to much fun lately - even for a grapecat, this pace is too blistering to continue. christmas in a small english town is really perfectly fabulous and i wouldn't trade for anything. except having my family here too - that would be better.

first off - it's still snowing!!!!!

in england!!!
in december!!!!!!

ok - enough with the exclamation marks, i know

friday was my work christmas lunch - and the weather played along beautifully, snowing all afternoon. i'm afraid i drank a rather lot of wine and - well there's no delicate way to put this really, but - by 4pm i could be found dancing on a studio-54-esque lighted-square dance floor to what can only be described as substandard 80's rock/pop. as you do.

yesterday, we popped out to see our friend s model in a charity fashion show in the town hall, then for a quick pint - which turned into another - and another - and we met old friends and made new friends and it was really lovely. roaring fire, big comfy sofas, good ale, and lots of snow outside. there may have been drunken piano playing (ahem). we didn't get home till 6, and humph, who's dinnertime is 330, was not amused.

today was decorating the tree in the town centre - the faversham christmas lights society puts up the tree, but it isn't decorated. local artists have taken it upon themselves to decorate it and people bring baubles and garlands.

then up to the railway pub where the oyster morris side were hosting a christmas carol sing-along and we met up with h & j and young felix, among others. and it's not just me - is it - this is a beautiful little baby:

(and a rather smashing baby blanket if i do say so myself)

now home, n and s are jamming away and there's a chicken roasting in the oven. cheers everyone (one more exclamation mark? just one more? oh all right - no you're right - i know).

tiger goes to the pub

2010-12-15T21:12:00.002Z

this was after the snow walk the other day...

welcome

2010-12-13T18:56:00.004Z

welcome to the world, felix charles dalton copland.

you've landed well - i can vouch for your parents. it's a scary place, but there's lots of good stuff and we'll all be keeping an eye out for you :)

snow

2010-12-13T18:42:00.007Z

this is late - we had snow! in november! (ok well - the 30th, and i am normally against pedantry, but for the sake of emphasis - )

and it was beautiful. and lo, all the trains did cease. and the spectre of being one of the several hundred southeastern passengers stuck overnight on a broken-down train without heat nor light made firm one's resolution that fortitude would be, in this case, misplaced.

so instead we had this:

and this:

and this:

and then this:

oh come on. if one of your friends pulled out a tiger mask you'd have done the same thing.

sunday morning

2010-12-12T09:14:00.002Z

it's sunday morning and i have nothing i need to do today. no papers to write, no classes to read for, no projects to oversee, no attendance-required social engagements -

bliss

with a nagging feeling of guilt. am i missing something? two years of master's studying plus working equals a highly developed inner voice that runs a constant, murmuring background loop of "shouldn't you be ...". shouldn't you be reading? shouldn't you be starting to research your paper? shouldn't you be looking for material? shouldn't you be....

i need to re-train it. right now it would be useful for it to be prodding me to get off my arse and make omelets for breakfast while there is decent radio listening - that so-easily-missed hour between sunday service and the dreaded archers omnibus. if missed, it is radio exile until quarter past eleven.

and yes i know there are other radio stations than radio 4, but i've always considered this to be extraneous information, because, really, cooking and radio 4 are inseparable at molecular level. unless the archers are on.

arrrggghhh - oranges

2010-12-04T19:21:00.002Z

i'm allergic to oranges. how stupid is that? i think it's so stupid that i constantly test it, or at least i test it every two or three years or however long it takes me to forget the discomfort and low-level pain not to mention the appearance-disfiguring effects that accompany my attempts to sample this particular citrus.

so last night, in lovely company, i partook of a mug of yummy mulled cider. with oranges as it turns out. o well i thought. tastes very nice. awfully nice actually. i only had the one glass with the orange bit - the rest i made do with brandy and warm cider (deprived, i'm sure you'll agree).

but lo,

i'm still allergic to oranges.

24 hours later, i am the proud bearer of bee-stung (ouch) lips, and a rapidly spreading rash.

at least i didn't throw up this time.

maybe i'm growing out of it.

oh - did i mention?

2010-11-26T20:06:00.002Z

library fine paid.
results received last week.

(drum roll please)

76 on the dissertation (thunk)

a degree average of 69.33%. just under the 70% average needed for a distinction.

am i grateful? well, yes, but still - there is a part of me (squeaking due to being heavily sat on) that is gutted to miss it by so little. even though i figured i wasn't any where near a distinction before, and never dreamed i'd come so close.

in other news i have just made n sit through the entire song of "summer holiday" by dj miker g and dj sven on the off chance that they may have mentioned more place names than london, new york city and amsterdam. they don't. it was awful, granted. i don't know if n was more appalled at the music or by the fact that i knew far more of the lyrics then mere coincidence would suggest.

the quest for place names is an ongoing obsession of mine to find songs that list multiple places. the above atrocity does not count as three places do not qualify for list status. so far i have 11 songs - any more for me?

it was a tie

2010-11-18T20:41:00.006Z

i am mostly shorn. with side bits. it looks lovely, and who am i to argue with d? she obviously has knowledge not available to us mortals least of all me who considers blow-drying to be a major time investment and who has never mastered any usage whatsoever of "product".

i like it. i think, anyways.

the exam board met on tuesday which means results should be imminent. i've been checking regularly - ok, obsessively these past days but no joy. then, this afternoon, a screen flicker, followed by a bright red notice saying - "you are not authorised to view this page because you owe the university money". gulp - you mean it wasn't a scholarship? was my first thought. but no, further reading elicited the information that i owed money to the library. it turns out that i had a £9 library fine that i had only vaguely recollected. (i almost typed "relocated". they are deliciously similar, no?) anyways i rang the library, paid the fine over the phone, and the lovely librarian, who, i imagine is taking lot of these calls, asked if i was waiting for results, and if so, it would be at least 24 hours as she had to fill out some paper or other and forward it to registry. argghhh. i suppose at least i didn;t find out i still had a book on loan that had been collecting overdue fees for the last 6 months, but still. my curiosity/dread is becoming unbearable.

(note to self - return knitting book by bed that is collecting overdue fees...)

speaking of knitting, i have been knitting delightful little baby mittens (sans thumbs) for darling a, they are teensy tiny, and knit on four double point needles. they have a cable running up the front to match the hat, and when i'm knitting with the cable needle as well i look like i am wrestling a small oddly coloured porcupine.

and i wonder why people give me funny looks on the train

random onions

2010-11-17T20:14:00.003Z

somehow time has run away with me lately. i was super crazy busy at work all through october, and then then the week or so of recovery time i gave myself morphed into - well, another half month. oops. i'm slowly getting it back together though - by it, i mean my life outside work.

i've been knitting throughout - oh yes, even finishing (finally) the latest baby blanket - the one i would have finished last week if i had bloody known how to count. (see previous posts). anyways, the rest was easier, and it does look ok i think. it's washed, wrapped and ready to go.

n's hat appears to be doomed. the first hat project i gave up because i'd ordered the wrong type of yarn, (and couldn't really knit yet - details details). then we picked a new one which i started yesterday but alas, it is not to be. he will just have to wait. maybe it is a mythical thing - like the boyfriend jumper - and it is better not to disturb the curse.

humph has taken to staring quizzically into the middle distance which is giving n and i the creeps - it looks like he can plainly see something we cannot, and he stares so intently it freaks us out. "what do you see? who's there?" we implore, but he just sighs, shakes himself slightly and goes back to licking the couch or whatever he was doing. creepy. the licking the couch thing is not at all creepy, just disgusting. dog tongue on leather. bleh.

and it is winter. winter-coat winter. i know i know - it is not the canadian prairies and i have nothing to complain about and anyways being canadian i should really be used to this sort of thing (oh if i had a pound for every time i heard that). but it is dark, and even my love of pub fireplaces and oxtail stew cannot take that away. cozy is only as cozy does, and it does not help in getting out of bed on cold dark wet mornings.

so tomorrow i shall cheer myself up by chopping off all of my hair. or rather, delegating the task to my hairdresser, d. whether or not she will approve of the endeavor remains to be seen - i am fully prepared to argue if needs be. i have never yet won a battle with her so it should be interesting to see how it pans out. but it's either swimming or hair, and anyways it's time for a change.

wish me luck

autumnal

2010-11-03T18:56:00.003Z

interview with leonard cohen

2010-10-31T19:12:00.002Z

(from the guardian, don't have a date)

g: what do you consider your darkest hour?
lc: well i wouldn't tell you about it if i knew. even to talk about oneself in a time like this is a kind of unwholesome luxury. i don't think i've had a darkest hour compared to the dark hours that so many people are involved in right now. large numbers of people are dodging bombs, having their nails pulled out in dungeons, facing starvation, disease. i mean large numbers of people. so i think that we've really got to be circumspect about how seriously we take our own anxieties today.

remiss

2010-10-30T22:23:00.002+01:00

i know.
i've been working.
alot.
and having quality time:

be back soon

this is (part of) what i do for a living

2010-10-11T21:30:00.002+01:00

before:

after:

songs loved purely due to particular lines

2010-10-09T20:43:00.003+01:00

"i get the news i need from the weather report
oh i get all the news i need from the weather report"
simon and garfunkel, the only living boy in new york

"wearing smells from laboratories..."
hair, let the sunshine in

"i asked hank williams how lonely does it get, but hank williams hasn't answered yet"
leonard cohen, tower of song

"then i'll join in matrimony with the girl who serves spumoni"
louis prima, angelina
(closely followed by an earlier line - "i eat antipasti twice just because she is so nice"

you?

pork chops

2010-10-02T21:17:00.003+01:00

i realise equating food with higher philosophical ideals can be problematic - freedom fries or mecca cola, anyone?

but to me, pork chops = freedom.

i mean, OBVIOUSLY (*eye roll*) in a sardonic/ironic white middle class woolly liberal sense.

but also no. also in an uncool un-intelligent-freedom-fries sort of way.

when i went back to university, i'd been sometimes traveling but mostly working for 12 years, and the opportunity to cook food at home, during the day, was intoxicating. when i had the time, i would often cook myself a pork chop - rubbed in a sluice of garlic, rosemary, salt, pepper and olive oil, with a side of sautéed spinach (in butter of course) and new potatoes, crushed with the back of a fork and swathed in butter and lashings of pork-juices.

i would sit at the table and carefully cut up my chop into 3 parts - fat, heart meat, and bone. then i'd settle in, open the newspaper, and munch my way through first the heart meat - tea towel at the ready to swipe fingers and reduce grease marks on the edges of the paper - alternated by scoops of mashed potatoes and spinach - and then, paper down out of respect at this point, full attention to the bone, slurping out all the best bits. the fat cut up for the birds.

i loved those lunches - the first i'd cooked alone, just for me, in years and years. to eat at the table with my fingers, reading a paper - delicious.

tonight n & s are playing at a pub down the road. i'm getting over a cold and i'm working all this weekend and next as well - a 21 day stretch. i've begged off. instead i've spent the evening talking to my mom in canada, and getting to bed early.

and cooking and eating a fat pork chop with a side of spinach and crushed potatoes.

freedom chops

the knitting idiot

2010-09-24T19:01:00.002+01:00

the knitting idiot copies the pattern from the net and does not copy the picture. "who needs the picture?" the knitting idiot asks."i know what it looks like."

the knitting idiot feels something may not be quite right. "i will just keep knitting," the knitting idiot says. "it will work out as the pattern progresses."

this knitting idiot did both the above, not noticing the MASSIVE difference between what was coming off the needles and the 281 pictures of the blanket in ravelry until 38 rows of 125 stitches were completed when finally, unable to quell that nascent knitting gut instinct that had been alternating between screaming and whimpering for the past week, finally looked closely at some of those 281 pictures and had to admit that my blanket looked nothing like them.

not that mine looks bad. no. perhaps, i thought, i can just call this a pattern alteration and keep going. but alas, my knitting gut is having none of it. "knit a swatch" it growled. "knit a PROPER swatch."

the proper swatch is much much better.

and now i have to rip it all out and start again. for the second time.

and i have no one to blame but myself.

knitting. isn't it soothing and relaxing!

excuse me while i retrieve my needles from the windowsill where i've violently hurled them in disgust...

almost autumn

2010-09-21T19:43:00.006+01:00

it was such a nice afternoon (viewed, from my perspective, longingly, mostly through office and train windows) that upon my return home, we decided to go for a bike ride after we walked sir humph.

we biked up to the shipright arms, and it was glorious.

can you see me?

it's almost-autumn. i'm sure i learned in school that autumn starts on september 21 and spring starts on march 21. they were quite firm on that. wikipedia however insists it is not until the 23rd.

so, technically, this is the almost equinox moon rising

while the sun, nearly exactly opposite, is setting

the light was beautiful - the tide was still going out - near the bottom though. an egret was fishing, mirrored on the wet sand.

the sun set, we suddenly noticed the mosquitoes, and the cold, and biked back into town.

happy (almost) autumn

frogging update

2010-09-16T21:41:00.001+01:00

a good decision (for once)

frogged the lot, cast on again (did i mention 125 stitches?!) made a few alterations (improvements) to the pattern, 3 rows in and looking healthy.

and i have a new but very enthusiastic appreciation for stitch markers.

frogging

2010-09-15T19:32:00.005+01:00

frog:
v. to unravel a knitted garment. Also frog stitch v., to intentionally rip out a seam, and n., an intentionally ripped seam.

Etymological Note: While it is possible that, as frequently stated, frog does come from the admonishment of “rip it, rip it” that might be given when seams are imperfect, which is similar to an imitation of a croaking frog, it is also possible that an unraveled or undone garment has loops of thread or yarn resembling frogging, which is a looped ornamental braid, or coat fastenings made of cylindrical buttons that go into fabric loops.

i was having a perfectly lovely day (well - apart from the getting up at 20 past 6 in the morning, having to wear a suit, strange woman on the train on the way in clicking gum (how annoying!) new box of muesli that is just odd, and meetings galore) and, on my way home, i knitted, as is my wont.

i messed up. i messed up 8 stitches into a 125-stitch row and did not notice till the end when i had a surprising 8 stitches left instead of 7. argghhhhh.

i tried to fix it by working back, my knitting got tighter and tighter. it was actively fighting me. i missed a stitch. cue bad language (in my head - i am a polite train passenger).

i put it to one side and fumed the rest of the way home, it's one thing to make mistakes. it's another thing entirely to dig oneself into a quagmire trying to remedy the situation. my knitting guru k would have to be called in. she has been relaxing of late, knowing that i have finished the first blanket and not yet aware of the impending doom.

"hmmmmm" she said.

this is k - "don't worry it will block out" - "don't worry no one will be able to tell" - "don't worry little mistakes are what makes hand knits precious"

i'm so glad i have someone to give a second opinion though, because deep in my heart, i knew that baby was going to have to be frogged, but if i'd frogged it on my own, i always would have wondered - couldn't it have been saved?

i sound melodramatic - it was only an inch of knitting (over 125 stitches though!!)

so i shall be frogging this evening.

rip-it

phew

2010-09-10T18:30:00.002+01:00

well, reader, i finished it.

last friday, i handed that baby in and washed my hands of it. it will fly, or it will sink. it should definitely earn me an llm (that's a law masters. i know, i didn't know either). i have no faith in it. i have full faith in it. i am not sure i actually care anymore.

when i came home, a big bouquet of flowers was on the table - a beautiful and thoughtful gesture from my parents, with n's collusion.

last weekend was the hop festival in faversham and i partook with gusto. the weather was great, i saw everyone i know in faversham, the music was excellent - especially n's band which played sunday morning. needless to say, i also drank alot of ale.

monday i was so knackered i wasn't sure i was going to make it to work (i did). tuesday too. even wednesday. thursday, after 3 days of not drinking and going to bed at 9pm, slightly better. today - i may live. i think the combination of 2 week-ends of weddings, the relief of finally handing in, and the indulgence of the hop fest nearly put me over the edge! we are not (ahem) as young as we used to be.

do i miss the dissertation? hell no.

it hasn't really hit that it's all done though.

omg

2010-08-28T14:29:00.002+01:00

i just spent 50 quid on shampoo. well shampoos and a conditioning styling spray whatever that is when it's at home. i think my hairdresser must have hypnotised me. she did have her dog with her - a small terrier-type thing that sat in my lap like a mini-hot-water bottle the whole time. hard to believe tallulah (the terrier) and humphrey are both the same species. tallulah is white with a shock of bright pink on her head, courtesy of the younger stylists at the salon. she looked like like a furry flannel. perhaps she is also a subliminal marketing genius.

for that price, they better last for a year. i never can tell if i'm being hoodwinked by the pernicious beauty industry and might as well use my own homemade soap to wash my hair, or if it really does make a difference to use 'proper' stuff. at this price, i am, frankly, expecting miracles.

one of them will, i am assured, at least get the chlorine out of my hair. blonde/whites and chlorine do a dowdy shade of khaki make if not diligently guarded against.

50 quid. good lord.

2010-08-26T19:31:00.002+01:00

thank you for your well-wishes. i believe i have regained my sanity (well, i can hear you chortle - that will be a first! ungracious indeed! i have always generally been sane - undoubtedly one of my greatest obstacles to happiness.) but i digress.

i did have a beer (and some yummy ginger wine) and watched the show on the normans, and ate my dinner, and went to bed, and got up and went to work this morning, all still in a funk. i left early, just missed the train i left early to catch, considered sitting down and having a good old cry right in the middle of st pancras station, decided against it (a close call though), caught the next train, girded my loins and read the paper.

it wasn't that bad.

parts of it are actually quite good.

i could express the last section more eloquently, but all in all, not the catastrophe i was convinced of yesterday.

i came home and went for a swim. i did not feel like it, but i am learning that, unless you are actually ill, those are the times you need to swim the most. i had a nice enough swim, then, in the changing rooms, eureka!

well, a mini-eureka, anyways. i could finally put my finger on one of the points i've been dancing around for weeks.

luckily i had a pen and an old receipt and i was able to write it down.

then on the way home i saw a puppy in the park. a 17 week old golden lab named alfie. the cutest thing.

i feel much better now.

arggghhhh! my dissertation sucks!!!!!

2010-08-25T18:23:00.002+01:00

i have officially lost all perspective.

you might have picked up on that.

it's even more obvious in person, believe me.

i wrote an abstract this afternoon and it was so much better than the dissertation it was abstracting - it was so depressing. how can that even be possible?

i'm sick of it. international law can go fragment itself to the moon for all i care.

i'm going to drown my sorrows in a pint of ruby red ale and watch a programme on those murderous despicable bastards the normans in an effort to cheer myself up.

*whimper*

last swimming lesson

2010-08-22T19:01:00.002+01:00

i had my last swimming lesson today. although a very reasonable cost, they were starting to add up. i've also learned enough to be getting along on my own, but i'm still sad the lessons will end! i've sure learned alot - some things i anticipated, some i didn't. i knew i'd get over the nervousness of new places with new rules (spoken and unspoken as with most self-contained environments) and that i'd figure out what to bring and when it would be less busy. i knew i'd get stronger and it would probably be tough some days.

i didn't know how tough! i spent the first months clinging, limpet-like, to the edge trying desperately to get some air into my lungs and feeling the bright-red burn of my cheeks, huffing and puffing. not my most elegant.

but elegance, to some degree, has come. sometimes, i get a tumble turn just right and i glide, fast and flowing through the water before emerging into just the right place in the stroke. sometimes, the feel is just there and i feel like i could swim for hours. sometimes, of course, i misjudge entirely and nearly choke to death, coughing and spluttering and trying to get the water out of my nose.

what i'm most surprised about is how much more confident i am in my body. i suppose spending a significant amount of time in a small and fitted piece of nylon/lycra is going to desensitise you to self-consciousness eventually, but it's more than that. i think of my legs as legs that can kick strong, and i know my arms can pull me through the water fast. it's a new feeling for me - i just don't feel as self-conscious. note the 'as'. obviously i am still racked with fear and loathing as are most modern women left exposed to overwhelming societal messages about what we are supposed to look like and all the effort we are required to do so. (honestly, who has that much time?!)

i will keep swimming - on the first of september i'll be buying my first season pass for the pool - first of many i hope. i wouldn't have stuck it out if it wasn't for the lessons though. dragging my hungover ass to the pool on a sunday morning - it took a lot of repetition before the message that this actually made me feel better really sunk in.

and, no, i'm still not any slimmer! but, somehow, that doesn't matter so much anymore either.

Better get out of the field, Mabel

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